Friday, December 23, 2011
somedays
Someday, I will have a car, so I need only depend on myself to drive to places I want to go, and events I want to attend, and to visit who I want to spend time with. And I'll give people rides, because I know how grateful I am every time someone makes me life easier by giving me a ride now.
Someday, if I'm still living in the city, I will have a cat, because of the way my friend's cat - and seeing how he loves this cat - has forever endeared me to the species. The kittens in the window in the shop next to my building entrance might have something to do with it too. Or maybe I'll have a dog, a small one that I might be able to get away with having in an apartment, because of the way I smile every time I see my coworker's tiny white dog.
Someday, I'll take a SEPTA bus adventure. I'll try all those north/south routes I've never taken, and at least observe if not walk around all the areas of which I'm rather unaware. I so like to call this city my own, and it is wider than what my experience encompasses.
Someday, I will write a novel. Despite my vast ability to be unmotivated to make progress on any of the personal projects I have in my head, somehow it will come together. I will get over the times I can't string together the words to make a single satisfying sentence, to reach the times when it flows like this is what I was meant to do with my life. I'll hole up in local cafes; the employees will know all the drinks and pastries that I typically order; I'll wear baggy sweatpants and nerdy t-shirts all the time; sunlight will stream in as the hours are whiled in narration, sometimes with a musical background because I can't take silence for too long. And then I'll hope against hope that someone else in the world thinks the result is good enough to share with people.
Someday, I will go on a cruise to a tropical island. The ship will have salsa dances, and a bunch of really good dancers will randomly be on the ship, and somehow I will be lucky enough to dance with them. At night on the island I will drink, and dance, and get lost in house music. I'll sleep til the sunlight wakes me, go sightseeing, visit tiny local shops, eat food I never knew of in the first place, lie tanning on the beach... forget the normal world for a little window of time.
Someday - though I cannot imagine it really exists - I will find a job of DJing for cafes and fancy lounges and bars. How better to put to use the endless hunger for, the hours of time spent exploring, the depths of a genre of music? The good stuff may be hard to find, but man, when it's found, it's good. Eventually I'll find some avenue to create this vibe for other people.
Someday, I'll have an apartment or a house with an empty wood-floored room, so that at last I can host friends, from one to many, for dancing.
Someday, I will be married. I'll have someone to kiss goodbye as we head off to work. We'll spend perfect rainy Sundays cuddled up in a blanket with movies and really good beer - complete contentment. And I will never go to sleep alone again.
Monday, November 21, 2011
small life lessons
- Walk in drizzling rain sometimes. It can be refreshing.
- Take something annoying and turn it into something positive by a change of perspective. (This is a generic derivation of #1.)
- Stop to look at the kittens in the window. A dose of real-life (i.e. non-Internet) cuteness can be nothing but healthy.
- Help a stranger. Tonight I helped the guy sitting next to me on the bus with his new smartphone, and he returned the favor by helping me get my jacket on at the end of the ride. I also helped a fellow pedestrian with directions as I was walking home. These are small things but they felt good.
- Cry when you need to.
- Hold hands -- it's so simple, but so affirming.
- Dance. Take the emotion that music gives you and let it out kinetically, physically.
- Communicate. It builds relationships.
- There's nothing like a good hug.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
musings on being "in love"
- All the relationship-related joy, pain, and desires poured out in 97% of songs in existence -- are these really how people feel? To take over our thoughts that widely and to encompass that much intensity, being in love must really be one of the strongest human emotions. I guess I just haven't been there yet.
- Is being in love somehow different than loving someone? I can without hesitation say "I love you" to close friends and family, yet the idea of saying it with the intended meaning of "I'm in love with you" seems incredibly more daunting, weighty, significant, serious. Yet I imagine that there is a lot of overlap: joy in being in the other's presence, ease of conversation, mutual care, ...
- How do you know that you're in love? One friend laughed when I posed this question and responded that if you have any question in your mind, then the answer is that you're not. I am indecisive about many elements of life, from those that don't really matter to the major turning points. Do I need to cut back on the analysis here and revert to a simpler level, tuning in to my natural feelings, to understand where I am?
Friday, November 4, 2011
collections
1) Keychains
I'm not sure if I ever thought they would have practical use, since I don't think I possessed any keys at the time. Nonetheless they were my go-to souvenir for family vacations big and small, as well as photos taken on roller coasters during Music in the Parks band trips.
2) Postage stamps
In this case, the collection was started for me by a great-aunt. And so for awhile I carefully cut out any interesting stamps from the corners of envelopes, watching the stamp price rise over a few years. (What are they up to now? I haven't mailed anything in quite awhile.) Anyhow, I carefully categorized the stamps and placed them into a large album...which must be around somewhere now...
3) Toothbrushes
I do not recall what inspired me to save each toothbrush when I was done with it instead of throwing it out. Perhaps I had gotten a bit attached after all those months - and some of them had cool designs (leopard print, anyone?). Either way, they accumulated in a drawer until, I believe, I was packing to move out of home after college. Yes, I did throw them out, but not without getting a good laugh and a photo of them first.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Nice things today
This is the first one; referring to last night.
- Getting a nice, long, very comfortable parting hug at the end of PhB (with Chris). Felt appreciation and affection in it.
- As always, I stopped to see the current kittens in the window of the pet shop right next to my building's door. There was one beautiful gray and white striped one. It saw me and we had a long moment of eye contact. I seriously wanted to take it home and love it forever. (I don't even like referring to it as "it" but don't know if it's he or she.)
- Made a new Pandora station inspired by a friend's playlist from a couple years ago (Eric). It was nice to think of him. It's also incredibly refreshing to just listen to music - not to build a genre playlist or judge songs ten times over for danceability.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
characteristic #8
I have a need to save pretty much all the personal-data stuff that is naturally generated by my life. Notes with friends on scraps of paper from middle school? Yup. Random photos I took on my phone? Yeah, they are memories of sophomore year of college. Chat conversations? Well, these are auto saved by many chat services these days, but I'd keep copies manually in the days before AIM kept its own logs. I never want to delete a text message that made me smile, and it's hard to throw out even a logistical note my mom jotted down.
So what does this mean? For one I have tons of physical and digital archives of this stuff and it takes up space in those realms. Also means I can dig into some of those and have some serious floods of memories. What if maybe I should let some of this stuff go - keep what is special and unique, and tie the memories to those fewer things? I want to appreciate all the good experiences and people that are/were in my life, but I have to let go what is past to be best able to focus on what I have right now that is also so good.
Monday, August 1, 2011
music love.
Out of this, for listening, the chill/lounge music stole my heart. It can be relaxing - enveloping - comforting - emotional - dark - passionate; it makes you dream, and desire. My journey in it originated with my (also new) love for chill house, building a playlist with artists I knew. From that I split off this list, and thereafter it has grown immensely. I've explored the work of a number of artists I first heard on Pandora, particularly from my station built after Jetlag. Friends have given me leads, occasionally Grooveshark Radio contributes a song I like, and Turntable has opened a few new doors lately.
The world of music is amazing - and if you let it be, overwhelming. There seems to be an endless number of artists I have never heard of, despite my ravenous desire to discover as much in the genres I love as I possibly can. (Sometimes I save so many songs that shuffling through my playlist procures songs I never recall finding - good songs, and thus an extra bit of happiness that I did find them already.)
But! in the vastness is the beauty. There is always more to find. Much of the time I find some music I don't care for, a bunch that is alright, and some that I like. But every now and then, my seeking is rewarded: I find a gem. Less than 20 seconds in, I'm in love. Excitement! And so I save it, harbor it, share it with those who may love it as well... and know that I'll have lasting joy in it.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
characteristic #7
Saturday, July 2, 2011
for nostalgia, posterity, and those who weren't on Facebook in the old days
I've finally taken a pass through and removed membership from several, but I held out because every time I looked at my list of groups, I felt it created a patchwork description of who I am: stuff I love, stuff I used to love, ways of life, habits, activities. Back in "the day" - on Facebook's time scale - there wasn't much else to do besides join groups. Half your news feed for the day would be informing you of the 15 new groups your friends joined. You'd have to check them all out, join the ones that applied to you too, and then invite friends who might be interested.
For the most part, groups didn't do anything functional; the largest ones' discussion boards would fill up with stupid games like rating how hot the person who posted just before you was. Instead they were mainly like badges of accomplishment, membership, and opinions.
That said, I have preserved a full list of my Facebook groups, copied here forevermore, dedicated to those friends who could never quite understand my attachment to them. :) (Groups I created/admin'd are in italics.)
"...and you got into Penn?"
5 AP Calulus
100+
2010 Penngineers
:pq:
<3 Cat Macros <3
~*Harry Potter Has Me Under His Spell*~
Adam Sherr: the man, the myth, and the legend!
ADD in DMD
AIM Profile/Away Message checkers anonymous
A little piece of me died with Severus Snape
ALWAYS Sleep- Deprived
Ambiguous hair color/ambiguous eye color, another uncertainty in life
America's Roller Coast: Fans of Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio
Another Jamie waiting on her Landon...
Apparently, Michael Jackson and Billie Jean Were Not Lovers
Are you a Model? Oh, no wait, You're the Idiot who got dressed up for class
Atlanta Braves Fans For Life
A Walk to Remember
Badminton is the shit!!
Band Geeks for Life
Boys Are Sketchy...
British Accents Are Awsome
BSE DMD CSE CBE ESE MSE LSD and CRACK
C++
Catholic at Penn
Catholics (Global)
Cedar Drive Middle School Class of '02
Cedar Point=AMAZING!
Central Jersey
Central Jersey is Where It's At
Cereal: Not Just for Breakfast
channing tatum+dance=best movie EVER (aka step up)
Chapstick Addiction
Chips Challenge: The Legions of Melinda
Cinnamon Dolce Latte -Aholics!
Coalition of Students Against the Troubles of Laundry
Colts Neck Alumni in Philadelphia
Colts Neck Athlete Alumni
Colts Neck High School Band(s)
Colts Neck High School Class of '06
COLTS NECK PEOPLE!!!
Computer Programmers
Computer Science
Crazy Loop (Mm-ma-ma)
CSE 110 Lab 204 (Fall '06)
Cuddlebuddies
DDR
Delaware Valley West Coast Swing
Destination: Mae
Digital Media Designers
Dirt Cheap Blues
DMD 2010
Don't Ask Me Where I'm From, Because I'm From a Tiny Town You've Never Heard of
DRL decreases my quality of life
E = Fb : MUSICIAN"S THEORY OF RELETIVITY
Egyptian Ratscrew is addictive and contagious
Every morning I say to myself: "Tonight I'll go to bed Early!!"
Exceptional Residents of E-Section: Stouffer 2007-2008
FaceBook Chat Without A Browser!!!
Facebook Developers
Facebook is Better than MySpace
Figure Skating Fans Unite!
Firefox is far superior to Internet Explorer
Firefox Users
Fork You! We Like To Spoon!
Geek! It's Not Just for Guys -- Female Geeks at Penn
GOBAT
Golden Sun junkies united against alchemy
Groovy dancing in Philly at L'Etage and other venues
Group Work Sucks - My Teammates are Idiots
haha/lol anonymous
Hallmates Who Talk To Each Other Online While Sitting In the Same Room (UPenn Chapter)
Hamilton College House (or High Rise North)
Harry Potter Lovers
Hey, just because I sleep until the afternoon doesn't mean that I'm lazy!
HOKAY, so here's the Earth!
Hoodies Freakin' Rock
How did you get into swing? --my Documentary Collage
I ♥Jack Sparrow
I ♥ Taking Pictures
I'm a "13 Going on 30" fan and proud of it...who's your daddy?
I'm A Fermata...Hold Me
I'm from 732, bitch.
I'm from a Small Town and Proud of it!!
i'm going to have AMAZING sex...after i'm married (penn chapter)
I'm Not Anti-Social.... I'm Just Lazy
I'm Not Your Real Friend, But I Get a Request For You To Be My Facebook Friend?! Get Your Life Right
I'm Tired Of People Fucking Up My Name
I'M TOO LAZY TO GO TO SLEEP :]
I've Been Through The High Rise Wind Tunnel
I <3 Belmar
I <3 My soffe shorts!!!
I am Sexually Attracted to Talent
I beat Chex Quest
I Bet You Can't Pronounce My Last Name
I can't... I'm going dancing tonight.
I Compulsively Check my Facebook and Email just to Avoid my Homework
I didn't have ADHD until I came to college.
I Don't Really Laugh Out Loud When I IM You "LOL"
I dont have time to do Homework... Because I'm in College.
Id Rather Be Skiing!!!
I eat pop-tarts uncooked
I eat too much dessert
If cheerleading is a sport, then by golly so is marching band!
If Facebook reaches 8,146,718,692 stupid theme groups, you're all morons.
If it weren't for DDR, I'd get no exercise at all!
If this group reaches 4,294,967,296 it might cause an integer overflow.
I Fucking Hate Recursion
If you despise groups that say "if this group reaches 100,000 I'll..."
I Have no Life and I'm Proud of It
I know who Visser Three is, and I'm terrified of him.
I Like Someone but I'm Not Doing Anything About It... Except Looking at Their Facebook Profile
I like to wear my lazy/comfy clothes.... And I love it
I Live(d) In A Bubble Town
I Live In New Jersey And I Don't Have That Accent
I Love A Man In A Suit
I love Chick Flicks.
I Love Cold Stone Creamery
I love how we're friends on facebook, but we don't actually talk in person.
I love marching band!!!!!!
I Love Mark Ruffalo !
I love Nicholas Sparks' books
I Love To Tickle, Snuggle, And Cuddle With That One Special Person!
I Make A Wish at 11:11
i make wishes at 11:11
Im a Night Owl
Imogen Heap
Imogen Heap is fabulous. the end.
In central NJ it's called the beach, not "the shore"
I Need Rehab For My Snooze Button Addiction
I Play DDR/ITG/StepMania etc.
I Play Egyptian Ratscrew with Consecutives
I Refer To People By Nicknames They Will Never Know
I Refuse to Gain the Freshman 15
I remember the Animorphs and they were badass!
I spend more time on my cell texting than talking.
I Start My Homework at 2 In the Morning
It's 2 AM, you have class tomorrow, you don't know why the fuck you are awake
It's Not My Fault What You Said Can Be Misconstrued as A Sexual Innuendo
It's Rodin, not hamilton.
I take my CSE notes on paper!
I Trip On the Uneven Bricks
I Tripped On Locust Walk and Tried To Play it off
I Used to Go to Sleep, But Now I Go to College
I used to run home after school and watch Poke'mon!
I used to wear Footy Pajamas. Admit it. You all did.
I use my cell phone as a flashlight
I Use my Cell Phone to See in the Dark
I Use Python And So Should You
I Want to Go to Hogwarts...Which Way to Platform 9 3/4?
I Went To a Good Public School...bitch
I Went To A Public High School.....Bitch (Global Group)
I wish I had an English accent
I wish I were a figure skater ::sigh::
I Wish I Were Your Derivative So I Could Lie Tangent To Your Curves!
I [heart] Alexei Yagudin
Java
Jazz Attack!
Jersey Pride
Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom make the HOTTEST pirates EVER!!!
Join this group if you've hugged someone in it
Join this if you've played music with someone in it...
Library Shelvers Unite!
LIFE- Let's see how many pro-life people are on facebook.
Life would be much simpler if I didnt think so much.
Locust Walk Pamphlet Dodgers
Love Generation - Worlds best tune!
MACK
Marching Band Is Pretty Kickass
Marching Band Was My Favorite Part Of High School
Musicians Make Better Lovers
Music is my Life
My heart belongs to the Jersey Shore.
My last name is not cool enough to have its own group.
My name is Victoria and no, I will not tell you my "secret."
National Catholic Youth Conference 2005 (NCYC)
Newman $1 Dinner
Newman Catholic Student Center
NJ/NY Upenn 2010'ers
No, I haven't read that great literary classic--But I've seen the Wishbone!
Not Drunk at Penn
NOT Penn State......you dumb bitch
Obsessive Compulsive Facebook Group Joiners
Obsessive LOLers anonymous
Ode to Cracklin' Oat Bran
Of course I love reading....I love reading instant messages
One Body of Christ Experiment (all Christians on Facebook)
Ooh... You Touch My Tra La La
Oregon Trail Was as Much a Part of My Childhood as TGIF
Over Obsessive Stalkers of America
PARANOiA Lovers (and haters)!
Penn '10
Penn Band
Penn Band Camp 2008
Penn Band Clarinets
Penn Band Clarinets ('nets)
Penn Band Undergraduate Event Notices
Penn Career Services' DC/Baltimore Metro Area Network
Penn Career Services' New York Metro Area Network
Penn Career Services' Northern California/Pacific Northwest Network
Penn Career Services' Philadelphia Metro Area/Delaware Valley Network
Penn Career Services' Southern California/Southwest Network
Pennddr
Penn Engineering Alumni
Penn Latin and Ballroom Dance PLBD
Penn Wind Ensemble
People who DON'T clap between movements
People who don't sleep enough because they stay up late for no reason
People Who Hate Going Up c/o 1949 Bridge!!!!
People Who Know the Difference Between Your and You're (Upenn Chapter)
People Who Like Groups Noone Else Has Ever Heard Of
Philadelphia Salsa Connection
Philly Lindy Love
Pidgin - One IM to rule them all!!!
PLBD Summer 2010, Penn Latin Ballroom Dance
POTC 1, 2, and soon to be 3
procrastination is the key to life
Procrastinators Unite.Maybe Today.Probably Tomorow.Hopefully Soon Though
Programming with Python
Pump My Gas
Quotation Mark "Hunters"
Random White Kids in the Middle of a Sea of Asians
Reppin' Monmouth County
Rodin 12th Floor 2008-09
Rodin College House 2008-2009
Sam Hazo is my Hero
Save The Music!!
Scramble Bands of America
SCREW HOMEWORK!!! I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE
SEAS webmail is.....umm.....technologically superior
Shamelessly Sober
Six Flags Great Adventure
Sleep... it's the new sex
Spooning Club
St. Mary's Young Adults
Students Against Drunken Frat Debauchery
Students for the Relocation of DRL to outside my bedroom window
Students for the Resurrection of the Ancient Art of Dating
Styx
Swashbucklers! Raise Your Swords!!
Sweatpants are awesome!
Texting Addicts Anonymous (TAA)
The Anthony Campisi Fan Club
The band is the reason for Saturday.
The Clarinet Group
The Curse of the Black Pearl is better than Dead Man's Chest
The Father Charlie Fan Club
The Hedvats are Taking over Penn
The Jersey Shore: Where Magic is Made
The Largest Facebook Group Ever
The Lost art of Foosball
The New facebook is stalkerish (what's so bad about that)
The Official Animorphs Nostalgia Group
The Official Class of 2010
The Official Mr. Gatti I'll Bet You A Penny Fan Club
The Sexy Ho-Ditties of Hamilton 1... and Frennie
The Surrogate Profile Of Luke Auld-Thomas
The Vag, and Friends of the Vag Who Love the Vag
The William Ian Eastman Fan Club
The word "gay" is not a synonym for "stupid".
They Can Have My PC… After They Pry it Out of My Cold Dead Fingers
Thriller Dance, anyone?
Top 10 reasons to date a band member - my most successful group. Worth a link.
Tutti i Gobat nel mondo
UPenn Class of 2010 - Living in Philadelphia After Graduation
Verizon free texting!!
wait, theres life outside of band?!
We're not Crazy, We're just Catholic
Westie Wednesday with Rob and Sheila
What is that Mysterious Ticking Noise?...
Whats Wrong With T-shirts?
When I was your age, there were only 150 pokemon.
Who Wears Short Shorts?...I WEAR SHORT SHORTS!
Why Does Every Group End In Bitch?.....bitch.
Why yes, I am music obsessive... Thanks for noticing :)
Yeah, I went to BAND CAMP. And I liked it.
yeah i work/worked at a library
Yeah that's right I don't drink COFFEE
Yes, I want to fix the High Rise Elevators
Yes For Life
You know you're a band dork when...
you know you're a kid from the 90s when...
You know you're from the Jersey Shore when...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
hug chemistry
Somehow, pressing my chest and stomach to theirs and wrapping our arms around each other creates a most wonderful feeling of comfort. There's a sense of being at home, like: this is the way the entire front of my body is totally meant to feel. It's a moment of physical rightness.
I can think of one friend who falls into this category from prior, but the blues dancing scene is what has opened up this possibility to me. What can I say? We dance close with each other all the time, so the level of touch we (perhaps subconsciously) view as normal amongst the community is a bit higher than outside it. And I doubt any of us could deny that a warm hug at the end of a great blues dance with someone is icing on the cake. Yum.
Thus I have many chances to experience hugs in my life, out of which - in beautiful rarity - I am discovering more people whose hugs click with mine. Only now am I starting to consciously appreciate them as something special, and fully indulging in this natural happiness of fulfillment through the sense of touch.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
find love
Maybe I'm being a girl because I just watched a romantic comedy and now I'm having this thought. Maybe I'm being unrealistic to be inspired by a movie, because maybe we make the stories in movies just a little better than they would happen in real life.
Half of me is extremely sure what love is, and the other half is pretty damn sure I haven't a clue how to begin. See, in one sense, I experience love every single day. My friend Stephan at work is so hilarious that I've got my hands over my mouth, trying not to laugh out loud. I can exchange three lines via online chat with my dear friend David from Penn, and find myself saying "man, I love you, you know that?" I receive texts from my mom, asking how setting up my new apartment is coming along. I bond over really good beer, delicious blues dancing, and the way lindy hop is just that much better after a rum and coke.
But otherwise, I have given up for a long time now. I relegated the couples I have been around as mysteries; I had spent so much mental effort some years back to define and understand love for myself, but to no real conclusions, and I do not have the energy to try anymore. The discovery, the journey, the maintenance, the work through the downs for the sake of the ups -- these I see but from the outside, an observer trapped at the most surface level understanding.
It seems in my life that whenever "something" starts to happen with someone, it is unexpected: a string of occurrences that happened to weave together to bring that person into my life. If that holds, then, I ask myself, what need do I have to learn to seek? That means I have to wait, and hope. But the few times in the recent past that I have hoped a bit, always something has held things back. And so I haven't had the chance to see what might become.
My life is very filled right now. Friends, family, and activities are all there for me and wonderful. I'm living where I want to be, and I've got people who miss me in other cities. And yet, it might be nice to have someone to think about at the end of the day, knowing he will be doing likewise. It might be nice to hold hands and steal kisses. To send pointless text messages. To laugh so hard, and then have a deep conversation. To share beer, and dinner, and ice cream. To watch dumb TV and not care that it's dumb because it's extra cuddle time. To while the hours of a Saturday, doing our own thing, taking simple peace and comfort in another's company. To miss, be missed; need, be needed.
To love, without wondering.
But you know, I'm just making this all up. Because this is a little bit of how I like to imagine it would be.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
philly bucket list!
- Sundae party
- The Franklin - with Ben (seriously, how did I not know about this place??)
- check out Northern Liberties
- Silk City (been mentioned to me enough times)
- Cuba Libre - have to try out salsa there
- Vango - I've been there once, but should try out the salsa night there too
- browse Passyunk Ave
- go to 69th Street Terminal. because I never have.
- really learn South Philly
- watch an entire Phillies game on tv at a bar
- discover and try out local cafés (in progress...)
- Argentine tango(!!!!)
- Fiume (45th & Locust) - mentioned to me the other day... again, how haven't I heard of this place? Good things!
"so you"
If I consider my good friends, one overarching reason why I like them is just the way their personalities come through in casual communicating - be it in a brief chat or a long talk. Knowing and enjoying someone's unique mannerisms in interaction is something I really value.
So I was thinking about text communications between friends. I talk online and send text messages with friends all the time. To what degree each person is "genuine" (speaks online as they would face to face) might be difficult to measure, but I realized one thing: one of my favorite moments in talking online or via text message is when a friend says something that just totally sounds like them. I can hear it in their voice and see how their facial expression would look. It's the closest feeling to being with them in person when communicating by text, I think. Truly makes me smile inside.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
nostalgia
In the evening of my graduation day from Penn, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I was trying to pack to move out of my dorm apartment room and kept thinking of how some of my closest friends would be disappearing across the country. I began checking in with friends to see if anyone wanted to go out and do something, because I had to get out of that room and the physical actions of preparing to leave the campus (and a life built over four years). Eventually I was told to meet up at City Tap House -- my first night there actually; I went thankfully.
Life post-college has developed wonderfully, and accordingly, my amount of time to rest is typically on a slow but steady decrease. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have found these activities -- mainly dancing -- and the truly beautiful community thereof. I hardly have time to process and appreciate it all enough. The excellent side benefit is one I often don't notice: I usually don't have the mental time to fall into nostalgia. It almost makes sense... why should I be sad and miss the past if the present is full of happiness?
But sometimes, I open up a memory. And I hold it for a long moment. I can be sad if I think of it as a loss, that someone or something is no longer an element of my life, or if an experience was much briefer than I would wish it to be. But there is a deep joy and appreciation that shines through this. It was a part of my life -- a part meaningful enough to leave a lasting and treasured impression. That's why the word 'bittersweet' is so perfect, and why I don't push away those moments of nostalgia when I find myself in them. I find value in appreciating them once again, just within myself.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
social dynamic reciprocation?
In the blues/swing dance community I am surrounded by many incredibly nice and friendly people. (I hate how generic those terms are, but they are basically the terms that apply.) There are many people I still am just getting to know on more of a friend level (i.e. a step beyond "hey it's fun to dance with you" level), and pretty much everyone is open to chatting away easily and comfortably. I feel like I've found gold in this group of people. And this circles back and inspires me to act in kind. What I ended up wondering just now was whether others get the same vibe back from me... (I hope!)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
everything
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Feel Good Life
stepping into a hot shower, immersing in the water
flannel pajama pants
when someone holds the door for you
laughing. making someone else laugh.
first time re-listening to an old favorite song
figuring something out that you've been stuck on (aside of all the time it took!)
letting go when you dance
finding the perfect music for your mood
hugs that make you feel their meaningfulness
comfortable conversation
delicious food and drink
the breeze on a hot day, and at the beach in the summer
the oddly warm day in a later winter month
when someone expresses concern for you
when you've just completed washing, drying, and putting away laundry
the bedgasm
first delicious sip of coffee
clicking with someone you've just met
a back massage
when someone keeps in touch with you
sleeping in
holding hands. cuddling. kissing.
cozying up in a blanket
songs that just make you want to dance
passing by cute dogs on the sidewalk
feeling another person's breathing or heartbeat
sharing a love of something with someone
new friends
sunshine
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Little kid hates bus and loves trolley
I got off at 39th Street. :)
characteristic #5
Thursday, February 3, 2011
love at first...listen
Sunday, January 30, 2011
not a blob
lol i was a total blob today.
almost hated myself for it but
had a headache, and super tired
oh well
David:
u and blob are two words i cant associate
lol
---
good to know I don't give off a blob vibe. :)
Friday, January 28, 2011
we just relate as people
age seems to melt away (mostly).
and most of us are in a similar range but.
i just don't even think about it
like suddenly i passed this line
left college
and people aren't confined to ages by their year in college
people are just people
like, i have adult friends now and we just relate as people.
(--chat conversation with David)
Sometimes I express things best when I'm not trying to write about them.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Oh code.
But I still love figuring out how to make code do what I want.
Friday, January 7, 2011
New best song ever
The video makes me happy too.