Writing and I,

our relationship is a twist of struggle and joy.  Sometimes I sit there like: I have got to get this thought out.  But then several of them crowd my mind, and I don't even know where to start.  Furthermore, I start worrying about how the post-to-be will portray my personality (to the few that read it... thanks, guys).  I want to write about some realization or thought about the way life works, but it can't be too deep because then it looks like I'm trying too hard.  I want to write these summarizing lists to try to briefly somehow capture a whole bunch of good or important points in my life, but would such a list be of importance or interest only to myself?  I feel like the answer is somewhere in the middle, but it's hard to pinpoint.  What I dream of most is to somehow express who I am with a clarity that would not come through in some other mode of communication -- in interacting with everyone on a daily (or occasional) basis.  I suppose the key to that is to wipe all these blocks clean off the mental table and to simply dive in, whatever the subject may be, and at whatever time it comes to mind.  This would be akin to a stream of consciousness, although filtered and at (hopefully the more interesting) intervals.  Of course, this digs at my tendency to worry... a characteristic I've harbored for a long, long time.  Well, now is always the time to try to let go of that.  I would probably be happier for it too.