music fixing me

The Sunday evening is waning in concert with its sunshine, and I'm left in my usual slightly incomprehensible mood.  The walk home is short and the scenery distraction enough that I needn't really trouble myself with figuring out any thoughts -- or having much of them at all, really -- and once I get home, the perfect distraction is a quirky Jane Austen love story encapsulated in a two-hour movie.

The two hours end and I'm left with the warm fuzzy feeling for which I'd hoped.  Time in the real world keeps on going, though; it's now 9pm and I haven't had any real sort of dinner.  Orchestral music and proper English conversation are still in my head from the movie; while these are lovely, they're something of a fantasy world, and I need something to bring me back to the routine.

Pandora is the best bet, I figure.  I fire it up to see what my eclectic little indie rock/dance station can throw at me, then walk barefoot to the kitchen.  As I make a sandwich, I get lucky.  Whatever song has started playing first is the perfect movie soundtrack song for my life at the moment.  The words don't matter because the mood is right.  And I can take a moment of the bittersweet, and I can smile, and I sit down with the window wide open to the cool night air and eat and drink water.

And I can make jokes, and say "I miss you" with a smile, because missing someone means you know it felt good to be with them, and I can reach out because I'm lucky enough to have good friends.  And then I can dance in my chair because the next song is that good.

And I'm on my way -- not without looking back, but with living it all.