what's sensible? no clear idea.

[1] He sees me and I walk towards him. He gives me the same look, the same gesture as usual. It's something like "what gives?", which doesn't make much sense, because I don't think I've ever done anything that would deserve a "what gives?". I try to explain to him how I'm kind of dead from the week of midterms resulting in barely sleeping.

[2] Why am I having a resurgence of thoughts about him? Not much has been different recently. We have talked only a couple of times. One felt like the familiar back and forth, but the second seemed to slightly lack that warmth I was expecting.

[3] I've been worrying that I have said something wrong. Well, actually I think I did, and at exactly the wrong time. Without thinking, I plunged ahead along the lines of what had been going well, but forgot to consider the subject matter before choosing it. Then I got stuck.... He said it's okay, don't worry about it. He might just be saying that to be nice.

[1] I'm not as shy anymore, or at least not with him. I head for him to be my partner for this round of waltz. He's not so shy anymore either (unless he has always been like this and I never paid attention to these details before). He holds me in a strong frame, which I like. And he holds me closer.

[2] I'm thinking back more often than I have for awhile. Maybe the cold now makes me long for a sun that warms and for walking outside in a short-sleeved top, but I know it isn't just that. It's the heels too - especially in the grass. And the laughter, and the little craziness too, kind of.

[3] I've tried to patch it up, but now I may be on the unsure side. (Scratch that, I am on it.) Suddenly I wonder if I'm saying too much. Has anything I may have implied altered his perceptions? Because only now that I'm worrying do I feel more sure that I want to see if things might go somewhere.

[1] I feel this familiarity with him, although I'm not really sure how it's developing. We joke a bit. I have to back-lead him through the right turns, and my expression intends to poke a little fun at him, though I really do mean to help. For some reason, I might kind of like being close to him.

[2] I can't help running that time through my mind: the different parts, the little details I remember. It worked so naturally, so easily, even though I really didn't know how I was doing it. Maybe he made it easy. It was deviously, deliciously enjoyable. As we stood there, I knew what was going to happen. It did. Kind of ironic.

[3] Very coincidentally I happened to see him. We had a nice little exchange, or at least I really tried to make it that way. As we were nearing the end of the short conversation, all I wanted was some indication of a plan to see each other again. I was close to putting forth the idea, but I really was hoping he would suggest it... so I didn't. I fear being too forward, making assumptions. I hope he hasn't given up.

Today I read my horoscope, because it happened to be up on a screen in the cafe-ish place where I was. It said: "Problems in your romantic life don't have to ruin your day. Distractions abound." Well, sort of. I'm certainly distracted by all these situations. And I didn't even write about [4], [5], [6], the like.. who, once every now and again, attract my attention and thoughts.