Sometimes, life is ridiculously, even hilariously, unfair.
[On Friday evening I spent an hour waiting for Megabus while an intense thunderstorm gradually drenched me and the rest of us in line, huddled together beneath a railroad bridge.]
Being in the same boat brings people together.
[We started chatting with those around us -- the same folks we usually ignore as we all mind our own business waiting in line in normal circumstances. We asked those who had prepared to share their umbrellas, complained together, screamed when the wind gusted and umbrellas blew inside out. I saw one guy who lent a sweatshirt to a girl who looked particularly chilly.]
The crappy stuff is (usually) temporary.
[The bus finally came, and we all struggled to show our tickets on our phones as the rain continued and got on. I sat in wet clothes for the three-hour ride, yes, but eventually all of my clothes were put in the dryer and I got to take a hot shower. The important part was that my electronics -- both my laptop and my smartphone -- and their associated gadgets (power cords) were still perfectly functional. See? No lasting damage.]
Care and companionship go a long, long way.
[I was accompanied throughout the two days of apartment hunting by my boyfriend, who put up with waking up crazy early, sacrificing eating on a normal schedule, walking all over the place in the 90+ degree heat, a couple of dead ends, the Metro frustrations, and overall exhaustion -- and never complained even once. He was patient and helpful, in good spirits, and even carried my ridiculously heavy bag for me sometimes. What more could I ask? He made my experience infinitely better than it would have been had I been running around on my own.]
So does being friendly.
[I am often pretty shy about contacting and meeting people I don't know, even more so when they aren't friend-of-a-friend connections. Naturally apartment searching puts me in the situation of needing to do this quite a number of times. Therefore, it was both comforting and refreshing for me when I met with people who were simply friendly, good-natured, and very helpful. Yes, they were trying to market something to me, but I never sensed an act in their demeanor or words. I appreciated this very much.]
Sometimes, relaxing and lounging are valid and enjoyable ways of spending time.
[It's easy to debate with myself about whether I'm being lazy if I'm lying around doing nothing productive whatsoever. I do believe life should include a balance of activities -- or maybe that's just what I have found makes me happiest, most satisfied, and least bored. But let's face it: our bodies have a limit. After a long day of trekking in the heat, I thoroughly enjoyed relaxing with dinner, beer, boyfriend, and stumbling on a good movie on TV. Balance achieved.]
Sometimes, you make mistakes or things don't go as planned... but these are not the end of the world.
[On Sunday I had intended to wake up around 10 or 11am. This would have given me enough sleep, but still a good block of time to check out more places before catching the bus home. Guess what? My phone froze overnight, and none of my several alarms went off. I woke up just before an open house I had really hoped to attend. So there was nothing I could do but try to go later. I did, and it was too late. Maybe the scenario could have been avoided, but I did the best I could to work with the situation as it turned out. My best wasn't successful, but I can't get everything right in life, so I find no need to berate myself, lament it, or dwell on regret. I just need to move on to the next step.]
Showing posts with label appreciation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label appreciation. Show all posts
Monday, June 25, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
a little lost
As I prepared to get in the shower tonight, like I do on every typical night, I noticed once again that I've still got slivers of teal-green nail polish at the tops of both my big toenails. Those bits of color remain from (no joke) last June or July. The summer's memories come back for a moment - warmth (a particularly nostalgic one, considering how tired I'm getting of bundling up in heavy clothes and layers these days), sunshine, a new friend with a shared passion, learning to make trips to NYC on my own as I found how much I liked their blues dancing scene.
Accomplishments. When I realize the steps I made over the summer, the new experiences then that are now under my belt, I feel good. But as I shower (always a useful time for thinking), I attempt to summarize the big picture. Where am I, in growing up?
I guess the summary would be that I'm not an adult yet. Yeah, I'm way past the legal milestones of 18 and 21 years of age. And more importantly, I have some major things checked off. I graduated college - it was a hell of a hard time sometimes, but I got through it. I've been beyond lucky in my internship experiences, always working with wonderful people and learning things, and the icing on that cake was attaining a full-time job to start immediately after graduation. I have my own apartment now, and right in the location I want, no less. In no way am I looking past these. They are major achievements in the game of Life (ha), and sometimes I feel so lucky (for these successes as well as other goodness in my life) that I figure my luck is overdue to run out and something is not going to work out for me soon.
My nature, though, is to analyze, largely including my own thoughts and experiences. Of late I have been noticing some ways in which certainly I have some adult steps yet ahead of me. Some are kind of straightforward: find a dentist near where I live so I can start going for yearly checkups and avoid possible awful tooth problems later. Some are going to require some learning: how to do my taxes, so my dad does not have to do them for me. Some are going to require some serious habit changes and effort to tackle an issue I have had difficulty with so far: cooking and eating better.
Those are a few concrete to-do/to-learn items. I am also just beginning to realize that I need to find my balance. There are so many activities I want to do: new things I want to try, learn, practice, and existing ones I don't want to lose time to fit in. And amidst this, I want to see friends, or talk with those who aren't local. This monumental set of desires really can't be accomplished all at once. Sleep is important, as I have long been aware, but beyond that, I'm starting to feel tired from all the running around trying to do everything. Relaxation and self time - including learning to be comfortable with time by myself - is key.
Maybe sometimes I need to remind myself I can't do everything at once, or try to start fixing or accomplishing all the steps at the same time. Life is long, and I have time to work on things, and to try things, and to learn more about what I like and how I want to live.
Accomplishments. When I realize the steps I made over the summer, the new experiences then that are now under my belt, I feel good. But as I shower (always a useful time for thinking), I attempt to summarize the big picture. Where am I, in growing up?
I guess the summary would be that I'm not an adult yet. Yeah, I'm way past the legal milestones of 18 and 21 years of age. And more importantly, I have some major things checked off. I graduated college - it was a hell of a hard time sometimes, but I got through it. I've been beyond lucky in my internship experiences, always working with wonderful people and learning things, and the icing on that cake was attaining a full-time job to start immediately after graduation. I have my own apartment now, and right in the location I want, no less. In no way am I looking past these. They are major achievements in the game of Life (ha), and sometimes I feel so lucky (for these successes as well as other goodness in my life) that I figure my luck is overdue to run out and something is not going to work out for me soon.
My nature, though, is to analyze, largely including my own thoughts and experiences. Of late I have been noticing some ways in which certainly I have some adult steps yet ahead of me. Some are kind of straightforward: find a dentist near where I live so I can start going for yearly checkups and avoid possible awful tooth problems later. Some are going to require some learning: how to do my taxes, so my dad does not have to do them for me. Some are going to require some serious habit changes and effort to tackle an issue I have had difficulty with so far: cooking and eating better.
Those are a few concrete to-do/to-learn items. I am also just beginning to realize that I need to find my balance. There are so many activities I want to do: new things I want to try, learn, practice, and existing ones I don't want to lose time to fit in. And amidst this, I want to see friends, or talk with those who aren't local. This monumental set of desires really can't be accomplished all at once. Sleep is important, as I have long been aware, but beyond that, I'm starting to feel tired from all the running around trying to do everything. Relaxation and self time - including learning to be comfortable with time by myself - is key.
Maybe sometimes I need to remind myself I can't do everything at once, or try to start fixing or accomplishing all the steps at the same time. Life is long, and I have time to work on things, and to try things, and to learn more about what I like and how I want to live.
Monday, February 6, 2012
passion
Tonight while I was in the shower - which seems to be the location where I do a large portion of my most introspective thinking - I think I figured out the meaning of life. Kind of.
I believe it all comes down to passion. Or at least the most important things do. Everyone is seeking happiness, right? I mean, it's a basic desire, once we've got stable shelter and food supply, to be enjoying ourselves and feeling happy. And what do we spend a lot of our daily time doing (to fund said food and shelter)? A job, of course. I'm sure many, many people are doing jobs they wouldn't choose, just because they need the money. But to be happy - not excited all the time, but content, satisfied, purposeful, in good spirits - I believe the ideal is to be doing a job about which you're passionate. If you care about a purpose, or a product you're providing, or a service you're offering, then you will want to go spend your time on it every day. You won't be counting down the hours til you can go home because you'll get wrapped up in what you're doing and you won't notice them going by. And I'm speaking of a full-time job here, but I believe this can extend to college students as well; you aren't getting paid (unless maybe you're past undergraduate level), but if you are able to choose a subject you love, then you'll want to go to class, participate, and do the work given outside of it.
I'm not saying this is easy (and yes I've just painted a pretty rosy world here). Figuring out a passion might not come early in life, and you might still need college,, or even time afterwards, to really discover a niche out of the endless realm of possible jobs/subjects/purposes in which you feel you belong. But this kind of passion is one example.
I think people's passions often shine through (also) in realms very different from their jobs. I have been lucky enough to discover the world of partner dancing - most particularly, blues. One could call dancing a hobby of mine, but it's really a passion. The feeling of triad connection between me, a partner, and the music - when all falls best into line - is absolutely unlike anything else for me. It's physical and emotional expression. And I know the experience does it for many others, because I meet them at the numerous events I've traveled to, and I see it in those who are teaching the newer dancers, and I see it when I watch others dancing, and I live it in the vibrant community of which I am so happy to be a member. So another kind of passion is truly loving and feeling alive in an activity, an experience, and sharing that with an amazing community glued together by that common thread.
Passion is evident in your own strongest innate interests, too. When you find yourself seeking something out, in numerous ways over years of your life, and you can while hours on the never-ending pursuit of learning more, diving deeper into connoisseurship, I'd say it's a passion. Mine in this example is music. I played music instrumentally for years, and have long believed that while listening to music can be amazing, it can never compare to the emotionally evocative power of being part of producing the music. It has to be a piece that hits me the right way, but when it does, it's a strength of emotion that can't be put into words. I lived that passion for many years... and then the activity structure became less interesting and inspiring to me, and it fell out of my life. Dancing grew to fill that space. But as I got more into dancing, my musical interests regrew in the form of listening for the purpose of perhaps djing for dancers. This gave me a whole new perspective and set me on an everlasting search. I also was lucky enough to meet a friend whose passion and hunger for music that reaches him surpassed mine by a long shot. I was simply amazed time and again by his desire to find more and not only that, but to share it with me. He sent me off into another forever search of my own, to find music in the genres I love to listen to. My musical world has expanded astronomically since, and I could probably spend forever seeking and categorizing and searching for those songs you fall in love with instantly.
But there's more. I've realized, maybe only just today, that passion can be in the form of love. Not romantic or physical passion - those are at best fleeting in the picture of life, I think. When you really simply love somebody, with whatever relationship it may be (family, friend, or "significant other") - it is another passion. I don't feel necessarily qualified to speak of love in the form of those kinds of relationships particularly, but I have been and am loved. Love is caring and having concern, wanting the best for someone, giving to them ahead of your own wants and needs, being there for them. It's not sacrifice and service all the time, but more an ongoing mentality, and a willingness to also give more concretely in those ways. It's a calm but strong passion.
So passion gives our time purpose, gives us satisfaction in its fulfillment, gives us direction, ways to help others individually and at large, gives us joy and life, makes us who we are. People are more important than things, so I think love comes first. All the other kinds help make our lives full.
I believe it all comes down to passion. Or at least the most important things do. Everyone is seeking happiness, right? I mean, it's a basic desire, once we've got stable shelter and food supply, to be enjoying ourselves and feeling happy. And what do we spend a lot of our daily time doing (to fund said food and shelter)? A job, of course. I'm sure many, many people are doing jobs they wouldn't choose, just because they need the money. But to be happy - not excited all the time, but content, satisfied, purposeful, in good spirits - I believe the ideal is to be doing a job about which you're passionate. If you care about a purpose, or a product you're providing, or a service you're offering, then you will want to go spend your time on it every day. You won't be counting down the hours til you can go home because you'll get wrapped up in what you're doing and you won't notice them going by. And I'm speaking of a full-time job here, but I believe this can extend to college students as well; you aren't getting paid (unless maybe you're past undergraduate level), but if you are able to choose a subject you love, then you'll want to go to class, participate, and do the work given outside of it.
I'm not saying this is easy (and yes I've just painted a pretty rosy world here). Figuring out a passion might not come early in life, and you might still need college,, or even time afterwards, to really discover a niche out of the endless realm of possible jobs/subjects/purposes in which you feel you belong. But this kind of passion is one example.
I think people's passions often shine through (also) in realms very different from their jobs. I have been lucky enough to discover the world of partner dancing - most particularly, blues. One could call dancing a hobby of mine, but it's really a passion. The feeling of triad connection between me, a partner, and the music - when all falls best into line - is absolutely unlike anything else for me. It's physical and emotional expression. And I know the experience does it for many others, because I meet them at the numerous events I've traveled to, and I see it in those who are teaching the newer dancers, and I see it when I watch others dancing, and I live it in the vibrant community of which I am so happy to be a member. So another kind of passion is truly loving and feeling alive in an activity, an experience, and sharing that with an amazing community glued together by that common thread.
Passion is evident in your own strongest innate interests, too. When you find yourself seeking something out, in numerous ways over years of your life, and you can while hours on the never-ending pursuit of learning more, diving deeper into connoisseurship, I'd say it's a passion. Mine in this example is music. I played music instrumentally for years, and have long believed that while listening to music can be amazing, it can never compare to the emotionally evocative power of being part of producing the music. It has to be a piece that hits me the right way, but when it does, it's a strength of emotion that can't be put into words. I lived that passion for many years... and then the activity structure became less interesting and inspiring to me, and it fell out of my life. Dancing grew to fill that space. But as I got more into dancing, my musical interests regrew in the form of listening for the purpose of perhaps djing for dancers. This gave me a whole new perspective and set me on an everlasting search. I also was lucky enough to meet a friend whose passion and hunger for music that reaches him surpassed mine by a long shot. I was simply amazed time and again by his desire to find more and not only that, but to share it with me. He sent me off into another forever search of my own, to find music in the genres I love to listen to. My musical world has expanded astronomically since, and I could probably spend forever seeking and categorizing and searching for those songs you fall in love with instantly.
But there's more. I've realized, maybe only just today, that passion can be in the form of love. Not romantic or physical passion - those are at best fleeting in the picture of life, I think. When you really simply love somebody, with whatever relationship it may be (family, friend, or "significant other") - it is another passion. I don't feel necessarily qualified to speak of love in the form of those kinds of relationships particularly, but I have been and am loved. Love is caring and having concern, wanting the best for someone, giving to them ahead of your own wants and needs, being there for them. It's not sacrifice and service all the time, but more an ongoing mentality, and a willingness to also give more concretely in those ways. It's a calm but strong passion.
So passion gives our time purpose, gives us satisfaction in its fulfillment, gives us direction, ways to help others individually and at large, gives us joy and life, makes us who we are. People are more important than things, so I think love comes first. All the other kinds help make our lives full.
Monday, November 21, 2011
small life lessons
- Walk in drizzling rain sometimes. It can be refreshing.
- Take something annoying and turn it into something positive by a change of perspective. (This is a generic derivation of #1.)
- Stop to look at the kittens in the window. A dose of real-life (i.e. non-Internet) cuteness can be nothing but healthy.
- Help a stranger. Tonight I helped the guy sitting next to me on the bus with his new smartphone, and he returned the favor by helping me get my jacket on at the end of the ride. I also helped a fellow pedestrian with directions as I was walking home. These are small things but they felt good.
- Cry when you need to.
- Hold hands -- it's so simple, but so affirming.
- Dance. Take the emotion that music gives you and let it out kinetically, physically.
- Communicate. It builds relationships.
- There's nothing like a good hug.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
characteristic #8
I have a need to save pretty much all the personal-data stuff that is naturally generated by my life. Notes with friends on scraps of paper from middle school? Yup. Random photos I took on my phone? Yeah, they are memories of sophomore year of college. Chat conversations? Well, these are auto saved by many chat services these days, but I'd keep copies manually in the days before AIM kept its own logs. I never want to delete a text message that made me smile, and it's hard to throw out even a logistical note my mom jotted down.
So what does this mean? For one I have tons of physical and digital archives of this stuff and it takes up space in those realms. Also means I can dig into some of those and have some serious floods of memories. What if maybe I should let some of this stuff go - keep what is special and unique, and tie the memories to those fewer things? I want to appreciate all the good experiences and people that are/were in my life, but I have to let go what is past to be best able to focus on what I have right now that is also so good.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
nostalgia
I used to get these strong moments of nostalgia when I was ending a major period of my life -- I remember having visited my high school's band camp the summer before I was headed to college, and afterward, lying across my bed at home, in a near-physical pain about leaving marching band. It was one of the experiences I most intensely loved throughout four years of high school and I expected nothing would be like it again. And my college band experience really wasn't much like it, after all. But that had all its own variables of course. So I still look back past college band to high school band with a special fondness.
In the evening of my graduation day from Penn, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I was trying to pack to move out of my dorm apartment room and kept thinking of how some of my closest friends would be disappearing across the country. I began checking in with friends to see if anyone wanted to go out and do something, because I had to get out of that room and the physical actions of preparing to leave the campus (and a life built over four years). Eventually I was told to meet up at City Tap House -- my first night there actually; I went thankfully.
Life post-college has developed wonderfully, and accordingly, my amount of time to rest is typically on a slow but steady decrease. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have found these activities -- mainly dancing -- and the truly beautiful community thereof. I hardly have time to process and appreciate it all enough. The excellent side benefit is one I often don't notice: I usually don't have the mental time to fall into nostalgia. It almost makes sense... why should I be sad and miss the past if the present is full of happiness?
But sometimes, I open up a memory. And I hold it for a long moment. I can be sad if I think of it as a loss, that someone or something is no longer an element of my life, or if an experience was much briefer than I would wish it to be. But there is a deep joy and appreciation that shines through this. It was a part of my life -- a part meaningful enough to leave a lasting and treasured impression. That's why the word 'bittersweet' is so perfect, and why I don't push away those moments of nostalgia when I find myself in them. I find value in appreciating them once again, just within myself.
In the evening of my graduation day from Penn, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I was trying to pack to move out of my dorm apartment room and kept thinking of how some of my closest friends would be disappearing across the country. I began checking in with friends to see if anyone wanted to go out and do something, because I had to get out of that room and the physical actions of preparing to leave the campus (and a life built over four years). Eventually I was told to meet up at City Tap House -- my first night there actually; I went thankfully.
Life post-college has developed wonderfully, and accordingly, my amount of time to rest is typically on a slow but steady decrease. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have found these activities -- mainly dancing -- and the truly beautiful community thereof. I hardly have time to process and appreciate it all enough. The excellent side benefit is one I often don't notice: I usually don't have the mental time to fall into nostalgia. It almost makes sense... why should I be sad and miss the past if the present is full of happiness?
But sometimes, I open up a memory. And I hold it for a long moment. I can be sad if I think of it as a loss, that someone or something is no longer an element of my life, or if an experience was much briefer than I would wish it to be. But there is a deep joy and appreciation that shines through this. It was a part of my life -- a part meaningful enough to leave a lasting and treasured impression. That's why the word 'bittersweet' is so perfect, and why I don't push away those moments of nostalgia when I find myself in them. I find value in appreciating them once again, just within myself.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Feel Good Life
(Sounds like a book title. If I was cooler, I'd be writing that book.)
stepping into a hot shower, immersing in the water
flannel pajama pants
when someone holds the door for you
laughing. making someone else laugh.
first time re-listening to an old favorite song
figuring something out that you've been stuck on (aside of all the time it took!)
letting go when you dance
finding the perfect music for your mood
hugs that make you feel their meaningfulness
comfortable conversation
delicious food and drink
the breeze on a hot day, and at the beach in the summer
the oddly warm day in a later winter month
when someone expresses concern for you
when you've just completed washing, drying, and putting away laundry
the bedgasm
first delicious sip of coffee
clicking with someone you've just met
a back massage
when someone keeps in touch with you
sleeping in
holding hands. cuddling. kissing.
cozying up in a blanket
songs that just make you want to dance
passing by cute dogs on the sidewalk
feeling another person's breathing or heartbeat
sharing a love of something with someone
new friends
sunshine
stepping into a hot shower, immersing in the water
flannel pajama pants
when someone holds the door for you
laughing. making someone else laugh.
first time re-listening to an old favorite song
figuring something out that you've been stuck on (aside of all the time it took!)
letting go when you dance
finding the perfect music for your mood
hugs that make you feel their meaningfulness
comfortable conversation
delicious food and drink
the breeze on a hot day, and at the beach in the summer
the oddly warm day in a later winter month
when someone expresses concern for you
when you've just completed washing, drying, and putting away laundry
the bedgasm
first delicious sip of coffee
clicking with someone you've just met
a back massage
when someone keeps in touch with you
sleeping in
holding hands. cuddling. kissing.
cozying up in a blanket
songs that just make you want to dance
passing by cute dogs on the sidewalk
feeling another person's breathing or heartbeat
sharing a love of something with someone
new friends
sunshine
Friday, November 26, 2010
Quick list of thanks
My swing buddies (Sloan, Ellis, and Robert). And of course, our lovely friend and Rum Bar bartender, Zack. Those blues dances that are completely magic. Coffee. My new friend at work, Stephan. The unbelievably wonderful west coast swing community. Going to Baltimore Fall Blues Summit. Being able to go home to my family pretty much whenever. Working at a company full of truly wonderful people. Having my weekly dances to always look forward to. Adding to my fledgling circle of swing dancer friends. Wawa. Seeing people with dogs on the sidewalk. My favorite cafés to hang out in. Jimmy John's deliciousness. Sleeping in on Saturday. Discovering new beers I like. Keeping in touch with David. Discovering fusion dancing. Meeting people from out of town who want to get to know me more. Having a bit of "me time" in the morning bus ride. Boots. That I found a place to live in Philly with near-zero stress. That I got a job to start right after I graduated. A comfortable bed. Visiting my brother at his college down in South Carolina. Learning PHP and Drupal. NK happy hours. Music, in so many kinds and ways.
Being so happy, and often - sometimes I can't completely take it in.
Being so happy, and often - sometimes I can't completely take it in.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Life threads
Sometimes I have a meta moment and try to think about the way people's lives intertwine. I tend to visualize this like a line graph. Each person's life is a horizontal thread running forward in time; when people meet, their threads touch; if they spend a portion of life together, their threads stay entwined; when they part, so do their threads. ...that was probably too many semi-colons in one sentence.
Tonight I've been reading a few friends' blogs, and I'm reminded of how interesting and talented these people are. And then I think, I am lucky to be able to consider them friends. This brings me again to marveling at the circumstances that bring me to meet people. Many can be classified simply under "went to school together", etc., but sometimes an interesting sequence of connections had to occur, and if it hadn't, whatever part of my life I've experienced with that person would not have existed.
And so I am glad:
that my first-grade best friend's ex-girlfriend went to Penn too
that my mom happened to Google the right phrase when looking for a summer internship for me
that I went one night to a friend's dorm lounge to play DDR
that, for my minor, I signed up for a class otherwise completely full of music majors
that I left my seat for five minutes while at New Deck during Feb Club
that I asked a friend to wait for me to walk over to a party
that I got lost during one of the engineering school orientation tours
that I saw a particular poster for a performance in my dorm hallway, even though I never made it to the show
that I signed up to live on the music residential program floor for freshman year
that a friend of a friend took a bus to Philly
that I went to a lindy crash course
Tonight I've been reading a few friends' blogs, and I'm reminded of how interesting and talented these people are. And then I think, I am lucky to be able to consider them friends. This brings me again to marveling at the circumstances that bring me to meet people. Many can be classified simply under "went to school together", etc., but sometimes an interesting sequence of connections had to occur, and if it hadn't, whatever part of my life I've experienced with that person would not have existed.
And so I am glad:
that my first-grade best friend's ex-girlfriend went to Penn too
that my mom happened to Google the right phrase when looking for a summer internship for me
that I went one night to a friend's dorm lounge to play DDR
that, for my minor, I signed up for a class otherwise completely full of music majors
that I left my seat for five minutes while at New Deck during Feb Club
that I asked a friend to wait for me to walk over to a party
that I got lost during one of the engineering school orientation tours
that I saw a particular poster for a performance in my dorm hallway, even though I never made it to the show
that I signed up to live on the music residential program floor for freshman year
that a friend of a friend took a bus to Philly
that I went to a lindy crash course
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Things taken for granted
I've noticed of late how ridiculously fast one's mind can switch from utter annoyance, suffering, or whatever other negative state may apply due to something's absence, to barely realizing that thing is there.
Let's see.
Let's see.
- I rarely get sick, but when my nose is 75% clogged, I can hardly focus on anything but trying to breathe clearly.
- The other morning I went to work with -- well, seriously not enough sleep. I had forgotten just how terrible it is when it's a constant physical fight to stay awake.
- I had never lived without air conditioning until this summer. Then I endured a few weeks of 100-degree-ish weather, complete with humidity. I was sitting in my room sweating on every surface of skin that was in contact with something. Now I have a window a/c unit and am entirely spoiled by a remote control for it. I guess I do still occasionally stop to realize that it's a million times more livable now that I have it, but usually I don't have much of a second thought.
- The Internet. ... holy crap. I've never been unable to access the Internet at my place of residence for this long of a period of time until this past week. It is truly frustrating to realize you cannot manage your email, get the weather, find something on a map, look up random information, listen obsessively to songs on YouTube, sit around logged on to three chat services, blah blah blah. Such things only begin to feel essential to daily life when you can't get to them on demand. But, here I am, writing a blog post, because the minute I've got it back, I spend all night on the Internet just like every other day before it wasn't there.
- People. If something goes wrong in a relationship, one day it's beautiful and then it's cracked. And you want to try everything you can think of to fix it, as the many good times flash by mentally and threaten to become bittersweet. ...That's one part of why I worry so much.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
After a good night...
I often find myself lingering, cuz I've got some kind of nice outfit on and makeup and maybe earrings I like, and my hair looks good (or at least it did when I headed out, haha)... And I feel a bit sad to change into pajamas, go over to the sink and rub the makeup off. An old Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt and a pair of Calvin Klein pajama pants (not even plaid!) for which I somewhere have a matching top, probably stuffed at the bottom of a dresser drawer -- they just can't really compare. Though, I guess lazy and mismatched clothes imply a letting-go sense that is appropriate for heading to sleep.
I really love nights that kind of spontaneously turn out to be just really good. Sometimes I can hardly believe how happy I am, how lucky I am to have these friends and to be meeting new awesome people and having such fun. These moments make me believe life truly is good.
I really love nights that kind of spontaneously turn out to be just really good. Sometimes I can hardly believe how happy I am, how lucky I am to have these friends and to be meeting new awesome people and having such fun. These moments make me believe life truly is good.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Cuddle buddies...
Last night I set my chat status to:
"i want a cuddle buddy
"
Some friends responded like so...
I maintain that simple touch is an often forgotten joy.
"i want a cuddle buddy
"Some friends responded like so...
friend: i want one too
friend: hehehe
my brother: i have a cuddle buddy [=
me: that puppy???
my brother: yuppp!
my brother: want to seeee?
me: adorableeee
friend: omg I want one tooo!!! lol
I maintain that simple touch is an often forgotten joy.
Monday, October 26, 2009
good things this year so far
going to Chris's Jazz Cafe with David the first day I moved back
salsa parties at Take the Lead
bachata in social lessons!!
Cornell/Ithaca ballroom competition trip (including myself dancing as a leader for newcomers and of course the Green Cafe...)
social dancing at Society Hill
trying different beers...absolutely legally...
getting lunch with Grace on Tues/Thurs and pretending I belong in the SIG lab
restaurant week with Tatini, Erica, Simone, and Simone's friend
Hungarian class with Rebecca and the lacrosse guys is hilarious and awesome
spontaneous post-Hungarian dinners with Rebecca
getting to know awesome PLBD people better
Sunday brunches at Commons
realizing that I complain about band while I'm not at it (and also probably at rehearsals), but the games teach you to have fun because it's all a bit ridiculous - the scrambling, the rain, ...
my (new MacBook) laptop has an excellent battery; thus I am no longer confined to sitting within a power cord's length of an outlet whenever I go somewhere. (which is FANTASTIC by the way.)
Indian food clarinet section dinner
I now know I can take the train between Philly and Princeton Junction by myself
meeting an awesome person from Twitter face-to-face
salsa parties at Take the Lead
bachata in social lessons!!
Cornell/Ithaca ballroom competition trip (including myself dancing as a leader for newcomers and of course the Green Cafe...)
social dancing at Society Hill
trying different beers...absolutely legally...
getting lunch with Grace on Tues/Thurs and pretending I belong in the SIG lab
restaurant week with Tatini, Erica, Simone, and Simone's friend
Hungarian class with Rebecca and the lacrosse guys is hilarious and awesome
spontaneous post-Hungarian dinners with Rebecca
getting to know awesome PLBD people better
Sunday brunches at Commons
realizing that I complain about band while I'm not at it (and also probably at rehearsals), but the games teach you to have fun because it's all a bit ridiculous - the scrambling, the rain, ...
my (new MacBook) laptop has an excellent battery; thus I am no longer confined to sitting within a power cord's length of an outlet whenever I go somewhere. (which is FANTASTIC by the way.)
Indian food clarinet section dinner
I now know I can take the train between Philly and Princeton Junction by myself
meeting an awesome person from Twitter face-to-face
Thursday, July 9, 2009
"work" log - july 8 (why most of today was good)
The weather was soooo beautiful this morning. I got to enjoy it for about 1.5 minutes while walking from the parking spot to the building at work. Take 5 (the cafe at work) always makes a few blends of Starbucks coffee, and this morning included one of my favorites - Cafe Estima. I really have to remember to bring in my mug warmer so I can make it stay warm for hours and hours.
Topics at lunch: cats hunting birds(??) and rabbits (Steve thinks rabbits are cute), squirrels, the new Transformers movie (Jackie and Yuriy liked it a lot and Steve refuses to watch it), and the comparison of heavy metal vocals to Cookie Monster.
Walking in the hall after lunch, Yuriy told me that my hair looked good. I was like "psh this is me being lazy, putting it up and not bothering to blow it dry..." but I did (after a few attempts) manage to braid my bangs (as they are getting longer) and pin them back, which I liked. I really did appreciate and was happy that he said that to me.
In foosball, the other Yuriy and I did respectably against his friend and...I forget who... I think the friend (wish I knew his name) and I may have beaten Yuriy and Shilpa? Then Srini and I made two crazy attempts to beat Yuriy and Shilpa. I'm always laughing and then my eyes start tearing because they do that easily and then I have to clear them out so I can even see to play. I never knew I could love foosball this much. Foosball quote (I believe after Shilpa scored a nice goal): Yuriy says, "You're ready for the playoffs!"; then she hits it backwards towards her own goal and says "Not really!" :)
In the afternoon, Chris came over with Jason and a couple other people. He'd just come from showing my work up on a projector in a meeting and found out no one else knew who I was, so he brought them over for introductions. (err I don't remember any of their names...) Chris recounted how recently Martin(??) had emailed him kind of randomly and asked, "Where's our intern..?" since we had moved from one area to another, across the building. Chris responded that I was down in Row T, and Martin said, "Oh...I thought we forgot her." hahaha. Then I was saying how I'm far away from everyone and don't even know who's in our group or not, so I was walked down to Row J (where Chris and Jason are) and introduced to a few more people who I may or may not remember. Then the company softball league came up, and I said how I'd tried to find out information about joining the team to which we, GTS interns, were directed. I wanted to be on the department team, not play against them, and Chris poked fun at me for my wsj.com friends (since he knows I play foosball with them) - I said "hey I have loyalties here too!" and we laughed. Jason is on a different team though, and kind of just recruited me on the spot. We walked over to the team captain's cube and he'll add me to the email list...
Not long after this little adventure, Martin ((I think)) happened to find me, down in row T. He started up this whole 10-minute chat about finding what you like to do in life (with other things thrown in), and I think I held up a nice little talk.
Towards the end of the day, I ran into an odd problem - I discovered that in the process of working on a page, I had broken an important function of the code. The thing is, I could not figure out how it had originally worked. The method that seemed to be used made no sense. Things like that reel me in, and though a bit frustrating, I want to figure it out and fix it. But that could take hours. At 6:15 or something Yuriy came down and, as he said, we had a real-life little music exchange - I played a few songs on my ipod for him.
A little earlier I had asked Jason if the softball games are held out on that field wayyy in the corner of the property, by where those department picnics were held last year (I want to do that again...). (The conversation, by the way, is courtesy of Microsoft Office Communicator - a business chat program to install which I had to go through a whole online request/approval system haha. It has actually turned out to be helpful so far.) I said I might come by to watch a bit, and he said not to laugh... :) Yuriy, being the good friend that he is, led me driving around to the parking lot that's actually near the field. The weather was still gorgeous by the way, as was the "lake" on the property. I should've attempted a picture even if it was only phone-quality. Anyway, I watched the last few innings of the game. A couple of young guys seemed really into it (interns? dunno) and a few people had cleats and there were some great hits. Watching the game made middle school softball come back to me a little - cheering for people, pitching, calling out the infield play as the next batter comes up. It's been many (in a relative, 21-year-old sense) years since I have really tried to do anything with softball, and I said to Jason afterwards that I felt like I should practice before showing up for next week's game. He told me don't worry, just come and play. I am looking forward to it.
Jason thanked me for coming to spectate. That topped off the evening nicely... aside of forgetting to actually start the car and trying to go somewhere in drive or reverse, I was in a good mood that I didn't totally understand for most of the drive.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
home/going
On Facebook, a friend just asked me what's up. I wrote back: "i'm half moved-out of my room, coming home in a couple of days, in love with dance, and pensive."
There are empty places in my room now where things like framed photos, a rack of wire cubes holding various books and other things, and a big round green chair used to be. Several large boxes (and a bunch of bubble wrap) now reside in a corner of the room; upon one box is a pile of clothes displaced from its prior location on top of the wire cubes. Yeah I've gotten messier in college, but I like that.
The boxes are an obvious reminder of the transition I will complete on Tuesday morning: going back home. Home is great, I've realized. People will say they couldn't wait to get out of their hometowns, or away from their parents or siblings, or what have you. I think my brother can't wait to go off to college this coming fall. But the longer I'm at college, the more I appreciate home. As things are right now, this is the last summer that I will be there with my family for sure. I want to hug everyone; play Guitar Hero; watch chick flicks and go out to brunch and go shopping and chill in Barnes and Noble/Starbucks with my mom; talk and laugh through the unique course of dinner conversation; eat good meals prepared by Mom (man I am so excited for food at home after a year of Wawa and dining-dollar-bought sameness and such); play a game with Dad; play ping pong; claim a mug's worth of hot water when my dad decides to make some tea; wake up and be around the goings-on of a family.
And hell, I have to take this moment. I miss Jersey. Seems like some people don't like New Jersey, and maybe that's only a few people so I don't really know anything about what people think, but I don't care. It's where I was born and raised and before Philly and Penn, before my first time living in a city - which is great by the way - I lived nowhere but Colts Neck. I'm surrounded by neighborhoods of mansions that used to be farms some day a long time ago, high school kids who drive a Lexus to school, a cute and little but nice library where I used to work, the Colts Neck Shopping Center, Delicious Orchards, and driving everywhere you want to go. I miss my mall in the next town over (not that I did ever go there much, and I still don't now), and the movie theater I go to, and strip malls and car dealerships along all the highways. And OH my gosh I can't wait for the beach. Half an hour's drive to the grid of streets, a parallel parking job that I still haven't really learned to do, and a flash of the season badge (um, need to get one) to step onto the hot sand and see the beautiful waves. There is nothing like the physical pleasure of slowly pulling off the top, stepping out of the shorts, and exposing so much skin to the heat of the sun mixed with an occasional airy touch of light wind. Delve into warm laziness.
If I may, permit me to have a summer fantasy for a moment? There's something about the beach - I think it has to do with the hazy warmth contrasted with the cold, the excitement, and the potential for fear that the water imposes. And the nighttime beach has its own magic. The air is still warm enough for shorts, the sand is cool, soft, and expansive, the dark waves are fringed with white and teasingly reach for and pull back from the sand. It's quiet, and dark. In day or night on the beach, my imagination so often includes being with a guy. I want him to hold me against the cold, dive with me through the waves, walk dripping back onto the sand, and lie down side by side under the sun. And the cool night scene is beautifully made for two alone. To pull my mind back to reality, there is an important piece that I lack. I don't know who I would want to be with me there. And so that perfect scene is left a tad unfinished, and I wonder if this summer I might get a try at it.
~
The other half of summer is imminent too. Staying here an extra week has let me push it under a mental rug somewhat, but it's there. Summer is scatter time. We go off to research abroad, jobs in California, family and vacation and work. And all the times with friends over the year coalesce into a surge of meaning, and gratitude, and sadness, in these last few days. I can't appreciate these times enough, and I have a silly little want to go back and relive them, just to make sure I enjoy them as much as I can. Thinking over these memories right now, I am so incredibly happy and thankful for friends. The talks, the laughter, the closeness: I am tempted, at moments like this, to hold those things as more important than anything. And so the beginning of summer is sad because I won't have these people in my life for a (little?) while. I will, probably, find a few friends back home at some point or other, and hope to make a few visit trips, but home friends have also scattered and are living new lives. So I'm holding onto everything that I've loved this year, and being pretty damn glad I've still got senior year left. As one friend pointed out, we're apart for four months - it's not really that bad.
There are empty places in my room now where things like framed photos, a rack of wire cubes holding various books and other things, and a big round green chair used to be. Several large boxes (and a bunch of bubble wrap) now reside in a corner of the room; upon one box is a pile of clothes displaced from its prior location on top of the wire cubes. Yeah I've gotten messier in college, but I like that.
The boxes are an obvious reminder of the transition I will complete on Tuesday morning: going back home. Home is great, I've realized. People will say they couldn't wait to get out of their hometowns, or away from their parents or siblings, or what have you. I think my brother can't wait to go off to college this coming fall. But the longer I'm at college, the more I appreciate home. As things are right now, this is the last summer that I will be there with my family for sure. I want to hug everyone; play Guitar Hero; watch chick flicks and go out to brunch and go shopping and chill in Barnes and Noble/Starbucks with my mom; talk and laugh through the unique course of dinner conversation; eat good meals prepared by Mom (man I am so excited for food at home after a year of Wawa and dining-dollar-bought sameness and such); play a game with Dad; play ping pong; claim a mug's worth of hot water when my dad decides to make some tea; wake up and be around the goings-on of a family.
And hell, I have to take this moment. I miss Jersey. Seems like some people don't like New Jersey, and maybe that's only a few people so I don't really know anything about what people think, but I don't care. It's where I was born and raised and before Philly and Penn, before my first time living in a city - which is great by the way - I lived nowhere but Colts Neck. I'm surrounded by neighborhoods of mansions that used to be farms some day a long time ago, high school kids who drive a Lexus to school, a cute and little but nice library where I used to work, the Colts Neck Shopping Center, Delicious Orchards, and driving everywhere you want to go. I miss my mall in the next town over (not that I did ever go there much, and I still don't now), and the movie theater I go to, and strip malls and car dealerships along all the highways. And OH my gosh I can't wait for the beach. Half an hour's drive to the grid of streets, a parallel parking job that I still haven't really learned to do, and a flash of the season badge (um, need to get one) to step onto the hot sand and see the beautiful waves. There is nothing like the physical pleasure of slowly pulling off the top, stepping out of the shorts, and exposing so much skin to the heat of the sun mixed with an occasional airy touch of light wind. Delve into warm laziness.
If I may, permit me to have a summer fantasy for a moment? There's something about the beach - I think it has to do with the hazy warmth contrasted with the cold, the excitement, and the potential for fear that the water imposes. And the nighttime beach has its own magic. The air is still warm enough for shorts, the sand is cool, soft, and expansive, the dark waves are fringed with white and teasingly reach for and pull back from the sand. It's quiet, and dark. In day or night on the beach, my imagination so often includes being with a guy. I want him to hold me against the cold, dive with me through the waves, walk dripping back onto the sand, and lie down side by side under the sun. And the cool night scene is beautifully made for two alone. To pull my mind back to reality, there is an important piece that I lack. I don't know who I would want to be with me there. And so that perfect scene is left a tad unfinished, and I wonder if this summer I might get a try at it.
~
The other half of summer is imminent too. Staying here an extra week has let me push it under a mental rug somewhat, but it's there. Summer is scatter time. We go off to research abroad, jobs in California, family and vacation and work. And all the times with friends over the year coalesce into a surge of meaning, and gratitude, and sadness, in these last few days. I can't appreciate these times enough, and I have a silly little want to go back and relive them, just to make sure I enjoy them as much as I can. Thinking over these memories right now, I am so incredibly happy and thankful for friends. The talks, the laughter, the closeness: I am tempted, at moments like this, to hold those things as more important than anything. And so the beginning of summer is sad because I won't have these people in my life for a (little?) while. I will, probably, find a few friends back home at some point or other, and hope to make a few visit trips, but home friends have also scattered and are living new lives. So I'm holding onto everything that I've loved this year, and being pretty damn glad I've still got senior year left. As one friend pointed out, we're apart for four months - it's not really that bad.
Monday, March 30, 2009
bits & pieces
the other night:
allegro's at 1am
blueberry beer
fmylife.com
music sharing via youtube (and some figure skating, for the old days' sake)
comfiest blanket ever??
ignoring responsible life crap that matters
and another night before that one:
indian foooood...is really good
tea
that same blanket
relationship stories and later just really talking about them
(there was prolly some youtube in there too)
...this is what makes college really meaningful to me.
different night:
salsa.salsa.salsa
i really can't balance when i spin (usually)
everyone is sooo nice...yay
friend&guys
i think i love bachata
must go social dancing [a lot] more
i'm kind of a sucker for when guys dress nicely...
steaks on south//i can't contribute to conversational topics about the world??
totally different:
i love climbing, and i don't exactly know why
seems like everyone there is nice (helpful) as well
good place to be female? O:-)
conquering top-rope routes is .. awesome
argh need to get belay-certified
i'm a geek:
cuz i'm excited to set up a mysql database ahaha
and want to swallow php whole
wanna:
go dress shopping
go shopping for clothes in general ...(ok, so i'm such a girl sometimes)
be good at dance
go social dancing...hopefully to more of a variety than mainly salsa music
go climbing like all the time hah
be with friends; i'm running out of college time
i wish i had joined PLBD in freshman year. largely so i'd be kinda good at dance by now, but also cuz i'm starting to really see how these groups bond. i don't have that - not in band, not in dance (at this point anyway, but i don't think it'll change that much), not where i live nor where i lived, not amongst my major. this doesn't mean i don't have friends; i do and i love and appreciate them. what i wish i'd experienced is group friendship (mine are all scattered from various "sources").
(2:12:50 AM) Tory: i just thought of something
(2:12:56 AM) Tory: maybe cuz of the impracticality of it all
(2:13:01 AM) Tory: it wouldn't relaly hurt to tell him
(2:13:02 AM) Tory: heh
allegro's at 1am
blueberry beer
fmylife.com
music sharing via youtube (and some figure skating, for the old days' sake)
comfiest blanket ever??
ignoring responsible life crap that matters
and another night before that one:
indian foooood...is really good
tea
that same blanket
relationship stories and later just really talking about them
(there was prolly some youtube in there too)
...this is what makes college really meaningful to me.
different night:
salsa.salsa.salsa
i really can't balance when i spin (usually)
everyone is sooo nice...yay
friend&guys
i think i love bachata
must go social dancing [a lot] more
i'm kind of a sucker for when guys dress nicely...
steaks on south//i can't contribute to conversational topics about the world??
totally different:
i love climbing, and i don't exactly know why
seems like everyone there is nice (helpful) as well
good place to be female? O:-)
conquering top-rope routes is .. awesome
argh need to get belay-certified
i'm a geek:
cuz i'm excited to set up a mysql database ahaha
and want to swallow php whole
wanna:
go dress shopping
go shopping for clothes in general ...(ok, so i'm such a girl sometimes)
be good at dance
go social dancing...hopefully to more of a variety than mainly salsa music
go climbing like all the time hah
be with friends; i'm running out of college time
i wish i had joined PLBD in freshman year. largely so i'd be kinda good at dance by now, but also cuz i'm starting to really see how these groups bond. i don't have that - not in band, not in dance (at this point anyway, but i don't think it'll change that much), not where i live nor where i lived, not amongst my major. this doesn't mean i don't have friends; i do and i love and appreciate them. what i wish i'd experienced is group friendship (mine are all scattered from various "sources").
(2:12:50 AM) Tory: i just thought of something
(2:12:56 AM) Tory: maybe cuz of the impracticality of it all
(2:13:01 AM) Tory: it wouldn't relaly hurt to tell him
(2:13:02 AM) Tory: heh
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
What I feel like doing right now instead of working
I want to go back to the summer for a bit, when it would be warm and sunny outside and I looked forward to lunch... I'd read the Wall Street Journal in print, since pieces of that day's paper were scattered across random lunch tables in the carpeted, skylight-ed, comfy-chaired Dow Jones cafeteria anyway, and I'd like the feeling that maybe I understood something about what was happening in the world. And then Matt and I would usually go outside, and finally - finally - I wouldn't have to be cold for awhile. We'd walk around the building, often laughing over ridiculous stories (okay...his stories not mine, because I don't have too many, relative to him) and how I sometimes stumbled over my heels and how I had issues trying to make his iPhone scroll. It was an interesting summer in a number of ways, and often made me think beyond the mostly-sureness of college to what might come afterwards.
Even though I'm a bit sick (and of course only because I am actually a little sick do I suddenly once again appreciate breathing through mostly clear nasal passages and being able to swallow without feeling that little weird pang in any part of my mouth or throat), another part of me wants to jump back to the cruise after senior year of high school with the group of students led by my Spanish teacher. I want to be in a world totally different from my world right now, with days spent seeing beautiful buildings, drooling a little over the things sold in little street shops, eating too much gelato, and gazing off the back of the cruise ship at its huge wake in the aqua blue Mediterranean - and nights spent dressing up for dinner and later going to the "dee-sco" where, once I got up the courage, I'd squash onto the crowded tiny dance floor, getting lost in the infectious European house and dance beats, and occasionally, getting awfully close to the hot Italian boys we met. And I definitely intend both meanings of "hot".
Earlier today I was thinking, as I have now and then recently, of the night of the Take the Lead anniversary party last semester. I got to dress up and I was really happy with how my hair turned out. I met up with Xavier, my French-exchange-student friend, and Amr, my Egyptian friend, both of whom I met through the PLBD social dance lessons. (And I think it's crazy awesome knowing guys from France and Egypt.) They were both dressed really nicely, of course. Once we made it to the studio (via the Penn Transit van...interesting experience), we chatted, enjoyed food, took pictures. Then I got to see so many amazing dance performances - I kept turning around to Xavier, telling him (with a borderline-ridiculous level of excitement) how much I wanted to learn that one too, and he seemed just as excited. Later they put on music for social dancing... Xav and I attempted salsa with hilarious half-successful results that often got our arms into some kind of pretzel configuration. I danced cha cha (or something like it, since I had no idea how to do it) with a seemingly sketchy guy - and tried to get away quickly afterwards. Upon hearing a song for which I could not identify the dance, I asked Senthil, and thus received my first bachata lesson. I loved it! This also included the story I now tell people probably too often: he asked "Would you like me to dip you?" I guess I said okay, and it was really crowded so I accidentally kicked someone! It's always a funny memory. My night was completed when I walked back with Xav and Amr and enjoyed an amusing conversation.
In opposition to all of that, I have mathematics programming ahead of me, I'm tired, and whatever else. I don't know. I want some sunny intrigue, some of another world, some sexy Latin dancing, some sweet guy friends...
Even though I'm a bit sick (and of course only because I am actually a little sick do I suddenly once again appreciate breathing through mostly clear nasal passages and being able to swallow without feeling that little weird pang in any part of my mouth or throat), another part of me wants to jump back to the cruise after senior year of high school with the group of students led by my Spanish teacher. I want to be in a world totally different from my world right now, with days spent seeing beautiful buildings, drooling a little over the things sold in little street shops, eating too much gelato, and gazing off the back of the cruise ship at its huge wake in the aqua blue Mediterranean - and nights spent dressing up for dinner and later going to the "dee-sco" where, once I got up the courage, I'd squash onto the crowded tiny dance floor, getting lost in the infectious European house and dance beats, and occasionally, getting awfully close to the hot Italian boys we met. And I definitely intend both meanings of "hot".
Earlier today I was thinking, as I have now and then recently, of the night of the Take the Lead anniversary party last semester. I got to dress up and I was really happy with how my hair turned out. I met up with Xavier, my French-exchange-student friend, and Amr, my Egyptian friend, both of whom I met through the PLBD social dance lessons. (And I think it's crazy awesome knowing guys from France and Egypt.) They were both dressed really nicely, of course. Once we made it to the studio (via the Penn Transit van...interesting experience), we chatted, enjoyed food, took pictures. Then I got to see so many amazing dance performances - I kept turning around to Xavier, telling him (with a borderline-ridiculous level of excitement) how much I wanted to learn that one too, and he seemed just as excited. Later they put on music for social dancing... Xav and I attempted salsa with hilarious half-successful results that often got our arms into some kind of pretzel configuration. I danced cha cha (or something like it, since I had no idea how to do it) with a seemingly sketchy guy - and tried to get away quickly afterwards. Upon hearing a song for which I could not identify the dance, I asked Senthil, and thus received my first bachata lesson. I loved it! This also included the story I now tell people probably too often: he asked "Would you like me to dip you?" I guess I said okay, and it was really crowded so I accidentally kicked someone! It's always a funny memory. My night was completed when I walked back with Xav and Amr and enjoyed an amusing conversation.
In opposition to all of that, I have mathematics programming ahead of me, I'm tired, and whatever else. I don't know. I want some sunny intrigue, some of another world, some sexy Latin dancing, some sweet guy friends...
Monday, February 9, 2009
I just realized, or realized again
Penn is crazy, and the scope of my life is ridiculously limited. At dance lessons last semester I met a guy from Egypt. I actually had no idea he was from there until a conversation something like this:
Friend: "My friend and I are going to [some salsa event], would you like to come?"
Me: "Oh...is that over fall break?"
Friend: "Yeah it is."
Me: "Aww man, I'd love to but I'm going home for break."
Friend: "Where's home for you?"
Me: "Oh just New Jersey, it's really close. Where are you from?"
Friend: "Egypt."
Me: "Ohh....!"
He's a really nice guy. I met up with him and a friend of his for dinner at Greek Lady one time. If I remember correctly, his friend is Arab, but American-born. Throughout dinner they discussed things like the politics and the world's view of the Middle East. I hardly said anything because I had no knowledge of the subjects. Later, walking back with just my friend, he said, "Wow that must have been the most boring dinner ever for you!" I told him no, definitely not, it was really interesting to listen to their thoughts.
Penn students come from ALL over the place. One of my roommates is from outside Las Vegas and the other is from Hong Kong and has lived in Canada and Australia. Among the three of us we run across differences as well as similarities in our growing up experiences. But honestly, wow. I am impressed by students who come from other countries, especially ones more different from the US than others, to spend their entire undergraduate college education here. Already, though, I'm assuming levels of difference. Honestly I have no idea what it's like to grow up in Egypt or India or Europe or wherever else I'm thinking of as "much different". There are probably more experiences in common with my own than I might guess. This is the "modern world" after all. Still, to think that I come in contact with these people, that they now lead lives very much like mine (we're on the same campus), kind of blows my mind. Yet I rarely stop to contemplate these ocean-spanning links - except for moments like right now, or when I see that one of their Facebook networks is a country on another continent. I should feel privileged to have such a worldly collection of people practically at my doorstep for four years, and try to connect with more of them.
Exchange students are a similar boat of people, but could be even more impressive... I met a French exchange student at dance - totally adorable, enthusiastic about salsa and jazz, friendly as anything. He's definitely got a French accent, and usually I have to speak a little more carefully for him and sometimes explain what something is (try football...). Yet here he is, studying engineering at Penn for goodness' sake. And on the flip side, a friend of mine in DMD just spent a semester studying in New Zealand and sometimes I can hardly get my mind around that, and I'm not even the one who went! I just can't imagine living a piece of life in what seems, to me, like a different world.
It's all just awesome. I think if I were to go to places around the world, what I might find most interesting would be not the history, the food, the monuments or whatever...but the people, and their lives.
Friend: "My friend and I are going to [some salsa event], would you like to come?"
Me: "Oh...is that over fall break?"
Friend: "Yeah it is."
Me: "Aww man, I'd love to but I'm going home for break."
Friend: "Where's home for you?"
Me: "Oh just New Jersey, it's really close. Where are you from?"
Friend: "Egypt."
Me: "Ohh....!"
He's a really nice guy. I met up with him and a friend of his for dinner at Greek Lady one time. If I remember correctly, his friend is Arab, but American-born. Throughout dinner they discussed things like the politics and the world's view of the Middle East. I hardly said anything because I had no knowledge of the subjects. Later, walking back with just my friend, he said, "Wow that must have been the most boring dinner ever for you!" I told him no, definitely not, it was really interesting to listen to their thoughts.
Penn students come from ALL over the place. One of my roommates is from outside Las Vegas and the other is from Hong Kong and has lived in Canada and Australia. Among the three of us we run across differences as well as similarities in our growing up experiences. But honestly, wow. I am impressed by students who come from other countries, especially ones more different from the US than others, to spend their entire undergraduate college education here. Already, though, I'm assuming levels of difference. Honestly I have no idea what it's like to grow up in Egypt or India or Europe or wherever else I'm thinking of as "much different". There are probably more experiences in common with my own than I might guess. This is the "modern world" after all. Still, to think that I come in contact with these people, that they now lead lives very much like mine (we're on the same campus), kind of blows my mind. Yet I rarely stop to contemplate these ocean-spanning links - except for moments like right now, or when I see that one of their Facebook networks is a country on another continent. I should feel privileged to have such a worldly collection of people practically at my doorstep for four years, and try to connect with more of them.
Exchange students are a similar boat of people, but could be even more impressive... I met a French exchange student at dance - totally adorable, enthusiastic about salsa and jazz, friendly as anything. He's definitely got a French accent, and usually I have to speak a little more carefully for him and sometimes explain what something is (try football...). Yet here he is, studying engineering at Penn for goodness' sake. And on the flip side, a friend of mine in DMD just spent a semester studying in New Zealand and sometimes I can hardly get my mind around that, and I'm not even the one who went! I just can't imagine living a piece of life in what seems, to me, like a different world.
It's all just awesome. I think if I were to go to places around the world, what I might find most interesting would be not the history, the food, the monuments or whatever...but the people, and their lives.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Kenny G's "Esther", Photos, and Memories
It's after 3am. I'm at home, on my computer, wrapped in a blanket in our study. Back in high school I made a number of photo collages as gifts for friends. For Christmas a couple or three years ago, I made one for my grandmother composed of pictures of our family, mainly of me and my brothers. I suppose my aunt really liked it, and this year she requested one. So I copied about 3.5 gigs of photos from our family digital camera onto my flash drive and went through them, selecting good pictures of our family (way too many of them) to hopefully squash into this collage...
I downloaded a bunch of Kenny G albums since I went to see him in concert last night (absolutely amazing, but for another post..), and have been listening through them while going through all these pictures. Eventually I came to this song (embedded above) and it really moved me, and I thought how beautiful these family pictures are... People smiling, with family, with friends, silliness, enjoyment, graduations, milestone dances (8th grade dance, junior prom), birthdays, awards, vacations, Christmas, just so many special moments. And how damn good we look when we just smile. And how these pictures have captured these moments in time forever, and we can't go back, but we can look, and we can feel.. and I am touched, and happy we can hold on to the memories this way.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I love this.
I love it when I write something, code something, or design/create some kind of art, and then go back after some time has passed (enough that I don't really remember what it looks like or says), and realize hey, this is pretty good - and oh yeah, I made this!
This tells me I don't have enough confidence in my work in the first place, when I'm making it. So maybe the finished products tend to turn out better than I realize? Feels pretty good ... :)
This tells me I don't have enough confidence in my work in the first place, when I'm making it. So maybe the finished products tend to turn out better than I realize? Feels pretty good ... :)
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