for nostalgia, posterity, and those who weren't on Facebook in the old days

Recently I have had some friends bug me to quit some of my Facebook groups, because I am maxed out and they cannot invite me to another (new and actually useful) group.

I've finally taken a pass through and removed membership from several, but I held out because every time I looked at my list of groups, I felt it created a patchwork description of who I am: stuff I love, stuff I used to love, ways of life, habits, activities.  Back in "the day" - on Facebook's time scale - there wasn't much else to do besides join groups.  Half your news feed for the day would be informing you of the 15 new groups your friends joined.  You'd have to check them all out, join the ones that applied to you too, and then invite friends who might be interested.

For the most part, groups didn't do anything functional; the largest ones' discussion boards would fill up with stupid games like rating how hot the person who posted just before you was.  Instead they were mainly like badges of accomplishment, membership, and opinions.

That said, I have preserved a full list of my Facebook groups, copied here forevermore, dedicated to those friends who could never quite understand my attachment to them. :)  (Groups I created/admin'd are in italics.)


"...and you got into Penn?"
   
5 AP Calulus

100+
   
2010 Penngineers

:pq:
   
<3 Cat Macros <3

~*Harry Potter Has Me Under His Spell*~

Adam Sherr: the man, the myth, and the legend!
   
ADD in DMD

AIM Profile/Away Message checkers anonymous

A little piece of me died with Severus Snape

ALWAYS Sleep- Deprived
   
Ambiguous hair color/ambiguous eye color, another uncertainty in life

America's Roller Coast: Fans of Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio
   
Another Jamie waiting on her Landon...

Apparently, Michael Jackson and Billie Jean Were Not Lovers
   
Are you a Model? Oh, no wait, You're the Idiot who got dressed up for class

Atlanta Braves Fans For Life
   
A Walk to Remember

Badminton is the shit!!
   
Band Geeks for Life

Boys Are Sketchy...
   
British Accents Are Awsome

BSE DMD CSE CBE ESE MSE LSD and CRACK

C++

Catholic at Penn
   
Catholics (Global)

Cedar Drive Middle School Class of '02
   
Cedar Point=AMAZING!

Central Jersey
   
Central Jersey is Where It's At

Cereal: Not Just for Breakfast
   
channing tatum+dance=best movie EVER (aka step up)

Chapstick Addiction
   
Chips Challenge: The Legions of Melinda

Cinnamon Dolce Latte -Aholics!

Coalition of Students Against the Troubles of Laundry

Colts Neck Alumni in Philadelphia
   
Colts Neck Athlete Alumni

Colts Neck High School Band(s)
   
Colts Neck High School Class of '06

COLTS NECK PEOPLE!!!
   
Computer Programmers

Computer Science
   
Crazy Loop (Mm-ma-ma)

CSE 110 Lab 204 (Fall '06)
   
Cuddlebuddies

DDR
   
Delaware Valley West Coast Swing

Destination: Mae
   
Digital Media Designers

Dirt Cheap Blues
   
DMD 2010

Don't Ask Me Where I'm From, Because I'm From a Tiny Town You've Never Heard of
   
DRL decreases my quality of life

E = Fb : MUSICIAN"S THEORY OF RELETIVITY
   
Egyptian Ratscrew is addictive and contagious

Every morning I say to myself: "Tonight I'll go to bed Early!!"
   
Exceptional Residents of E-Section: Stouffer 2007-2008

FaceBook Chat Without A Browser!!!
   
Facebook Developers

Facebook is Better than MySpace
   
Figure Skating Fans Unite!

Firefox is far superior to Internet Explorer
   
Firefox Users

Fork You! We Like To Spoon!
   
Geek! It's Not Just for Guys -- Female Geeks at Penn

GOBAT
   
Golden Sun junkies united against alchemy

Groovy dancing in Philly at L'Etage and other venues
   
Group Work Sucks - My Teammates are Idiots

haha/lol anonymous
   
Hallmates Who Talk To Each Other Online While Sitting In the Same Room (UPenn Chapter)

Hamilton College House (or High Rise North)

Harry Potter Lovers

Hey, just because I sleep until the afternoon doesn't mean that I'm lazy!
   
HOKAY, so here's the Earth!

Hoodies Freakin' Rock
   
How did you get into swing? --my Documentary Collage

I ♥Jack Sparrow
   
I ♥ Taking Pictures

I'm a "13 Going on 30" fan and proud of it...who's your daddy?
   
I'm A Fermata...Hold Me

I'm from 732, bitch.
   
I'm from a Small Town and Proud of it!!

i'm going to have AMAZING sex...after i'm married (penn chapter)
   
I'm Not Anti-Social.... I'm Just Lazy

I'm Not Your Real Friend, But I Get a Request For You To Be My Facebook Friend?! Get Your Life Right
   
I'm Tired Of People Fucking Up My Name

I'M TOO LAZY TO GO TO SLEEP :]
   
I've Been Through The High Rise Wind Tunnel

I <3 Belmar
   
I <3 My soffe shorts!!!

I am Sexually Attracted to Talent
   
I beat Chex Quest

I Bet You Can't Pronounce My Last Name
   
I can't... I'm going dancing tonight.

I Compulsively Check my Facebook and Email just to Avoid my Homework
   
I didn't have ADHD until I came to college.

I Don't Really Laugh Out Loud When I IM You "LOL"
   
I dont have time to do Homework... Because I'm in College.

Id Rather Be Skiing!!!
   
I eat pop-tarts uncooked

I eat too much dessert
   
If cheerleading is a sport, then by golly so is marching band!

If Facebook reaches 8,146,718,692 stupid theme groups, you're all morons.
   
If it weren't for DDR, I'd get no exercise at all!

If this group reaches 4,294,967,296 it might cause an integer overflow.
   
I Fucking Hate Recursion

If you despise groups that say "if this group reaches 100,000 I'll..."
   
I Have no Life and I'm Proud of It

I know who Visser Three is, and I'm terrified of him.
   
I Like Someone but I'm Not Doing Anything About It... Except Looking at Their Facebook Profile

I like to wear my lazy/comfy clothes.... And I love it
   
I Live(d) In A Bubble Town

I Live In New Jersey And I Don't Have That Accent
   
I Love A Man In A Suit

I love Chick Flicks.
   
I Love Cold Stone Creamery

I love how we're friends on facebook, but we don't actually talk in person.
   
I love marching band!!!!!!

I Love Mark Ruffalo !
   
I love Nicholas Sparks' books

I Love To Tickle, Snuggle, And Cuddle With That One Special Person!
   
I Make A Wish at 11:11

i make wishes at 11:11
   
Im a Night Owl

Imogen Heap
   
Imogen Heap is fabulous. the end.

In central NJ it's called the beach, not "the shore"

I Need Rehab For My Snooze Button Addiction

I Play DDR/ITG/StepMania etc.
   
I Play Egyptian Ratscrew with Consecutives

I Refer To People By Nicknames They Will Never Know

I Refuse to Gain the Freshman 15
   
I remember the Animorphs and they were badass!

I spend more time on my cell texting than talking.
   
I Start My Homework at 2 In the Morning

It's 2 AM, you have class tomorrow, you don't know why the fuck you are awake
   
It's Not My Fault What You Said Can Be Misconstrued as A Sexual Innuendo

It's Rodin, not hamilton.
   
I take my CSE notes on paper!

I Trip On the Uneven Bricks
   
I Tripped On Locust Walk and Tried To Play it off

I Used to Go to Sleep, But Now I Go to College
   
I used to run home after school and watch Poke'mon!

I used to wear Footy Pajamas. Admit it. You all did.
   
I use my cell phone as a flashlight

I Use my Cell Phone to See in the Dark
   
I Use Python And So Should You

I Want to Go to Hogwarts...Which Way to Platform 9 3/4?
   
I Went To a Good Public School...bitch

I Went To A Public High School.....Bitch (Global Group)
   
I wish I had an English accent

I wish I were a figure skater ::sigh::
   
I Wish I Were Your Derivative So I Could Lie Tangent To Your Curves!

I [heart] Alexei Yagudin
   
Java

Jazz Attack!
   
Jersey Pride

Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom make the HOTTEST pirates EVER!!!
   
Join this group if you've hugged someone in it

Join this if you've played music with someone in it...
   
Library Shelvers Unite!

LIFE- Let's see how many pro-life people are on facebook.
   
Life would be much simpler if I didnt think so much.

Locust Walk Pamphlet Dodgers
   
Love Generation - Worlds best tune!

MACK
   
Marching Band Is Pretty Kickass

Marching Band Was My Favorite Part Of High School
   
Musicians Make Better Lovers

Music is my Life
   
My heart belongs to the Jersey Shore.

My last name is not cool enough to have its own group.
   
My name is Victoria and no, I will not tell you my "secret."

National Catholic Youth Conference 2005 (NCYC)
   
Newman $1 Dinner

Newman Catholic Student Center
   
NJ/NY Upenn 2010'ers

No, I haven't read that great literary classic--But I've seen the Wishbone!
   
Not Drunk at Penn

NOT Penn State......you dumb bitch
   
Obsessive Compulsive Facebook Group Joiners

Obsessive LOLers anonymous
   
Ode to Cracklin' Oat Bran

Of course I love reading....I love reading instant messages
   
One Body of Christ Experiment (all Christians on Facebook)

Ooh... You Touch My Tra La La
   
Oregon Trail Was as Much a Part of My Childhood as TGIF

Over Obsessive Stalkers of America
   
PARANOiA Lovers (and haters)!

Penn '10
   
Penn Band

Penn Band Camp 2008
   
Penn Band Clarinets

Penn Band Clarinets ('nets)
   
Penn Band Undergraduate Event Notices

Penn Career Services' DC/Baltimore Metro Area Network
   
Penn Career Services' New York Metro Area Network

Penn Career Services' Northern California/Pacific Northwest Network
   
Penn Career Services' Philadelphia Metro Area/Delaware Valley Network

Penn Career Services' Southern California/Southwest Network
   
Pennddr

Penn Engineering Alumni
   
Penn Latin and Ballroom Dance PLBD

Penn Wind Ensemble
   
People who DON'T clap between movements

People who don't sleep enough because they stay up late for no reason
   
People Who Hate Going Up c/o 1949 Bridge!!!!

People Who Know the Difference Between Your and You're (Upenn Chapter)
   
People Who Like Groups Noone Else Has Ever Heard Of

Philadelphia Salsa Connection
   
Philly Lindy Love

Pidgin - One IM to rule them all!!!
   
PLBD Summer 2010, Penn Latin Ballroom Dance

POTC 1, 2, and soon to be 3
   
procrastination is the key to life

Procrastinators Unite.Maybe Today.Probably Tomorow.Hopefully Soon Though
   
Programming with Python

Pump My Gas
   
Quotation Mark "Hunters"

Random White Kids in the Middle of a Sea of Asians
   
Reppin' Monmouth County

Rodin 12th Floor 2008-09
   
Rodin College House 2008-2009

Sam Hazo is my Hero
   
Save The Music!!

Scramble Bands of America
   
SCREW HOMEWORK!!! I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE

SEAS webmail is.....umm.....technologically superior
   
Shamelessly Sober

Six Flags Great Adventure
   
Sleep... it's the new sex

Spooning Club
   
St. Mary's Young Adults

Students Against Drunken Frat Debauchery
   
Students for the Relocation of DRL to outside my bedroom window

Students for the Resurrection of the Ancient Art of Dating
   
Styx

Swashbucklers! Raise Your Swords!!
   
Sweatpants are awesome!

Texting Addicts Anonymous (TAA)
   
The Anthony Campisi Fan Club

The band is the reason for Saturday.
   
The Clarinet Group

The Curse of the Black Pearl is better than Dead Man's Chest
   
The Father Charlie Fan Club

The Hedvats are Taking over Penn
   
The Jersey Shore: Where Magic is Made

The Largest Facebook Group Ever
   
The Lost art of Foosball

The New facebook is stalkerish (what's so bad about that)
   
The Official Animorphs Nostalgia Group

The Official Class of 2010
   
The Official Mr. Gatti I'll Bet You A Penny Fan Club

The Sexy Ho-Ditties of Hamilton 1... and Frennie
   
The Surrogate Profile Of Luke Auld-Thomas

The Vag, and Friends of the Vag Who Love the Vag
   
The William Ian Eastman Fan Club

The word "gay" is not a synonym for "stupid".
   
They Can Have My PC… After They Pry it Out of My Cold Dead Fingers

Thriller Dance, anyone?
   
Top 10 reasons to date a band member - my most successful group.  Worth a link.

Tutti i Gobat nel mondo
   
UPenn Class of 2010 - Living in Philadelphia After Graduation

Verizon free texting!!
   
wait, theres life outside of band?!

We're not Crazy, We're just Catholic
   
Westie Wednesday with Rob and Sheila

What is that Mysterious Ticking Noise?...
   
Whats Wrong With T-shirts?

When I was your age, there were only 150 pokemon.
   
Who Wears Short Shorts?...I WEAR SHORT SHORTS!

Why Does Every Group End In Bitch?.....bitch.
   
Why yes, I am music obsessive... Thanks for noticing :)

Yeah, I went to BAND CAMP. And I liked it.
   
yeah i work/worked at a library

Yeah that's right I don't drink COFFEE
   
Yes, I want to fix the High Rise Elevators

Yes For Life
   
You know you're a band dork when...

you know you're a kid from the 90s when...
   
You know you're from the Jersey Shore when...

nostalgia

I used to get these strong moments of nostalgia when I was ending a major period of my life -- I remember having visited my high school's band camp the summer before I was headed to college, and afterward, lying across my bed at home, in a near-physical pain about leaving marching band.  It was one of the experiences I most intensely loved throughout four years of high school and I expected nothing would be like it again.  And my college band experience really wasn't much like it, after all.  But that had all its own variables of course.  So I still look back past college band to high school band with a special fondness.

In the evening of my graduation day from Penn, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown.  I was trying to pack to move out of my dorm apartment room and kept thinking of how some of my closest friends would be disappearing across the country.  I began checking in with friends to see if anyone wanted to go out and do something, because I had to get out of that room and the physical actions of preparing to leave the campus (and a life built over four years).  Eventually I was told to meet up at City Tap House -- my first night there actually; I went thankfully.

Life post-college has developed wonderfully, and accordingly, my amount of time to rest is typically on a slow but steady decrease.  Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have found these activities -- mainly dancing -- and the truly beautiful community thereof.  I hardly have time to process and appreciate it all enough.  The excellent side benefit is one I often don't notice: I usually don't have the mental time to fall into nostalgia.  It almost makes sense... why should I be sad and miss the past if the present is full of happiness?

But sometimes, I open up a memory.  And I hold it for a long moment.  I can be sad if I think of it as a loss, that someone or something is no longer an element of my life, or if an experience was much briefer than I would wish it to be.  But there is a deep joy and appreciation that shines through this.  It was a part of my life -- a part meaningful enough to leave a lasting and treasured impression.  That's why the word 'bittersweet' is so perfect, and why I don't push away those moments of nostalgia when I find myself in them.  I find value in appreciating them once again, just within myself.

George Michael

Back in high school, I used to listen all the time to a smooth jazz radio station, CD101.9.  The station has since been reformatted to a rock station (figures) which was pretty sad to hear.  (See the section about halfway down the page.)  That station got me through so much of my high school homework and falling asleep at night and I knew nearly every song that was played on it.  Interestingly enough, Wikipedia just informed me that it's sort of revived in an "HD2" format, whatever that means.  And there is an online broadcast of it, on this random Boomer Radio site.

I don't know why, but the song Careless Whisper came to mind tonight.  I've heard it many times on that radio station, but looked up the music video for the first time just now.



I didn't even know that George Michael is his name, but this guy was totally not how I pictured him when hearing the song.  What a strikingly beautiful man.  Beautiful voice too...  And given the recent explosion of dance experience in my life, I like that he holds a dance with someone he loves as this special in the song.

One block

It's another beautiful night out -- a hammock night, though I don't have anyone with whom to share that, nor do I have easy access to a hammock (and so I let that thought go quickly after it arose).  No matter, however, as the undeniable comfort of the café is shortly ahead, unhealthy muffin satisfaction included.

The block from 41st to 40th is extra long.  This is a slightly frustrating reality as far as reaching the bus in the mornings goes, but it doesn't bother me so much now.  I walk amiably, passing the familiar elements along with the ones that never attract my attention much.

There's a place that I am pretty certain used to be a movie rental store, but now its focus appears to be comic books and the like.  It's tinged now with the time I looked for it with Mike.

The bowling alley, Strikes, appears to be just a shell now.  I was there once with Matt.  They played nothing but Daft Punk remixes the whole time we were there (and I couldn't have been happier about that).

Some little road, the name of which I've never bothered to find out, cuts the block halfway.  If I head down it, there's a parking lot with designated Philly Car Share spaces.  So I think of Steve, and the night he took me and David for a spontaneous random drive in and around the city.  It's just one of many reasons Steve is awesome.

Last, past a building I've never identified, is Saxbys.  It didn't hold much for me until this summer because Starbucks was my spot at Penn, but by now it's one of my regular cafés.  Occasionally I think of meeting Geoffroy or working on Flash with Ted here, as those were amongst my first times spent here.

Life is good.

Anberlin: Retrace

Oh, how I've tried
To get you out of my head
And I lie with broken words I said
Never thought I'd walk on this street again
Standing where it all began

Tried to forget
When I left this town
Well it takes me right back
When I come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm back there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

Oh now I find,
Every subtle thing screams your name
It reminds me of places and times we've shared
Couldn't live locked in these memories
Now I'm chained to my thoughts again

And I tried to forget
When I left this town
But I'll take you right back
If you come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm back there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

I need some shelter
I need some safety
Photographs they
Haunt me lately
Chasing shadows
As the evening takes me
I'm still searching but the picture's fading

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm back there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards
Still counting backwards

And nowhere else has ever felt like home
And I can’t fall asleep
When I’m lying here alone
I replay your voice
It's like you're here
You move the earth
But now the sky is falling

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
In my mind I'm back by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

(lyrics credit)

When I was little

I thought crutches were cool.  I sort of hoped I would break an ankle so I could walk around using them.  I even built a pair out of Pipeworks and tried them out in the front yard.

My brothers and I collected Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars.  Each one received a name--some as creative as "Box Truck" and "O. Race" (short for "Orange Race").  Some of them were grouped into "gangs", which were simply groups with a leader and a precise order in which they drove around together in a single-file line formation.  I drew by hand a large "mat" which included a whole neighborhood with homes, i.e. garages, for each vehicle, as well as destinations like stores with parking lots to which they could travel in groups.  Sometimes in the nicer weather we'd draw maps outside on the driveway with chalk and bring all the cars out there.

My parents had a friend from whom we bought (or maybe just received second-hand) an old foosball table.  Rather than a sturdy frame like today's tables, this one had aluminum(?) legs and the playing area board sagged towards one side.  The provided ball was too large to fit through into the goals, so we substituted bouncy balls.  My brother and I had crazy, crazy matches.  The table would be skidding all over the floor.  Most of the players were no longer fixed properly in place on the rods, and many would end up upside down or shoved into their neighbor amidst gameplay.  (We paused after each goal was scored to realign them.)  Oh, and we named the players...after the Matchbox cars.

A favorite warm-weather activity was to find a bucket and a paintbrush from the basement, fill the bucket with water, and "paint" the siding of the house.

My parents own a fairly small CD collection.  Perhaps the two albums to which I most loved to listen and dance (around the living room) were Michael Jackson's Thriller and Miami Sound Machine's Primitive Love.

I loved dogs.  I'd search the newspaper classified listings for dogs that were being given away for free.  In fifth grade I did a project that used surveys, statistics compiled from my own readings of dog breed books, and database queries (help from Dad there) to output which dog matched you best.  I had my favorite breeds: Labradors, golden retrievers, Dalmatians, beagles.  My parents never did take on the responsibility of a dog in our family, but I did walk my neighbors' dog for awhile and--though she was about as lazy a dog as I've ever come across--I loved her too.

I read books all the time.  I liked series... Sweet Valley Twins, Animorphs, The Chronicles of Narnia, the Amber Brown books.  And there were plenty of other books, in series and not, which I'm sure I forget at the moment.

There's a giant maple tree in my front yard.  It's beautiful.  I used to climb it and sit in it often.  I also found long sticks and collected them by storing them wedged between a split in the branches.

I was totally addicted to computer games.  Various titles enjoyed overlapping phases of different lengths in the limelight of interest.  Some of my favorites (most played) were: Chex Quest, Roller Coaster Tycoon, Hot Wheels Stunt Track Driver, and KidPix.  Others included Tonka Construction, Midnight Rescue, Crayola Art Studio, and a variety of Sim games from City to Copter to Farm.  These were of the Windows 95/98 era.  On Windows 3.1 I played lots of Tetris and a text-only game, all based on wordplay, known as Nord and Bert Couldn't Make Head or Tail of It.  Before the Internet began to swallow all of my computer time, these games were what I would do with it.

In eighth grade I watched Pokémon on TV after school.  I've never watched TV much, but this is one show I was pretty faithful about following.  I also played the Pokémon board game with my brothers; we'd stretch a single game out across days of playing time so we could build up our arsenals of Pokémon.

I never ever drank coffee.  Somehow I thought even the decaf my parents drink would get you addicted, and always warned my brothers of this.

In the park down the road from my house, my town puts on a fireworks display every July 4th.  For many of those years I believed they shot off fireworks by pounding a packet of powder with a huge hammer.  Hence the "boom" sound was created--logical enough, right?

I built awesome things with Legos and K'Nex.  Some of them didn't come from the instruction books!

My family belonged to a couple of pool clubs over some years.  The one where we spent most summers was the Holmdel Swim and Tennis Center.  There was the "big pool" and the "medium pool", a baby pool, and a diving tank.  I was always very slow getting into the cold water, a problem I've carried into my beach days now, of course.  But I loved swimming, playing with my brothers, and making those perfect pencil dives to touch the bottom of the 13-foot-deep diving tank.

I sold Girl Scout cookies to my neighbors.  Since I showed up every year they all knew the deal already.  My mom always accompanied me on the walks.  For delivery we'd pile the boxes into the red wagon and pull it around with us.

An odd combination of toy sets my brothers and I used to make was "farm and construction".  We had a barn house with various appropriate animals and a farmer and family, and a set of construction vehicles and guys in hard hats.  I would make up a storyline as we went and these two sets would interact.

Another strange amusement we came up with was that which we code-named "Suman Huitcase".  This was simply a swapping of first letters to refer to "Human Suitcase".  It involved putting one of us in the largest family suitcase, zipping it up, and moving the encased person to someplace else in the basement, whereupon they were to guess their new location.  Yes, this was a slightly nervewracking experience, but I guess we trusted each other enough.

We used to eat these couple of cereals I really loved--Cracklin' Oat Bran and Just Right--until Mom stopped buying them because she deemed them not healthy enough.

"work" log - july 8 (why most of today was good)

The weather was soooo beautiful this morning. I got to enjoy it for about 1.5 minutes while walking from the parking spot to the building at work. Take 5 (the cafe at work) always makes a few blends of Starbucks coffee, and this morning included one of my favorites - Cafe Estima. I really have to remember to bring in my mug warmer so I can make it stay warm for hours and hours.

Topics at lunch: cats hunting birds(??) and rabbits (Steve thinks rabbits are cute), squirrels, the new Transformers movie (Jackie and Yuriy liked it a lot and Steve refuses to watch it), and the comparison of heavy metal vocals to Cookie Monster.

Walking in the hall after lunch, Yuriy told me that my hair looked good. I was like "psh this is me being lazy, putting it up and not bothering to blow it dry..." but I did (after a few attempts) manage to braid my bangs (as they are getting longer) and pin them back, which I liked. I really did appreciate and was happy that he said that to me.

In foosball, the other Yuriy and I did respectably against his friend and...I forget who... I think the friend (wish I knew his name) and I may have beaten Yuriy and Shilpa? Then Srini and I made two crazy attempts to beat Yuriy and Shilpa. I'm always laughing and then my eyes start tearing because they do that easily and then I have to clear them out so I can even see to play. I never knew I could love foosball this much. Foosball quote (I believe after Shilpa scored a nice goal): Yuriy says, "You're ready for the playoffs!"; then she hits it backwards towards her own goal and says "Not really!" :)

In the afternoon, Chris came over with Jason and a couple other people. He'd just come from showing my work up on a projector in a meeting and found out no one else knew who I was, so he brought them over for introductions. (err I don't remember any of their names...) Chris recounted how recently Martin(??) had emailed him kind of randomly and asked, "Where's our intern..?" since we had moved from one area to another, across the building. Chris responded that I was down in Row T, and Martin said, "Oh...I thought we forgot her." hahaha. Then I was saying how I'm far away from everyone and don't even know who's in our group or not, so I was walked down to Row J (where Chris and Jason are) and introduced to a few more people who I may or may not remember. Then the company softball league came up, and I said how I'd tried to find out information about joining the team to which we, GTS interns, were directed. I wanted to be on the department team, not play against them, and Chris poked fun at me for my wsj.com friends (since he knows I play foosball with them) - I said "hey I have loyalties here too!" and we laughed. Jason is on a different team though, and kind of just recruited me on the spot. We walked over to the team captain's cube and he'll add me to the email list...

Not long after this little adventure, Martin ((I think)) happened to find me, down in row T. He started up this whole 10-minute chat about finding what you like to do in life (with other things thrown in), and I think I held up a nice little talk.

Towards the end of the day, I ran into an odd problem - I discovered that in the process of working on a page, I had broken an important function of the code. The thing is, I could not figure out how it had originally worked. The method that seemed to be used made no sense. Things like that reel me in, and though a bit frustrating, I want to figure it out and fix it. But that could take hours. At 6:15 or something Yuriy came down and, as he said, we had a real-life little music exchange - I played a few songs on my ipod for him.

A little earlier I had asked Jason if the softball games are held out on that field wayyy in the corner of the property, by where those department picnics were held last year (I want to do that again...). (The conversation, by the way, is courtesy of Microsoft Office Communicator - a business chat program to install which I had to go through a whole online request/approval system haha. It has actually turned out to be helpful so far.) I said I might come by to watch a bit, and he said not to laugh... :) Yuriy, being the good friend that he is, led me driving around to the parking lot that's actually near the field. The weather was still gorgeous by the way, as was the "lake" on the property. I should've attempted a picture even if it was only phone-quality. Anyway, I watched the last few innings of the game. A couple of young guys seemed really into it (interns? dunno) and a few people had cleats and there were some great hits. Watching the game made middle school softball come back to me a little - cheering for people, pitching, calling out the infield play as the next batter comes up. It's been many (in a relative, 21-year-old sense) years since I have really tried to do anything with softball, and I said to Jason afterwards that I felt like I should practice before showing up for next week's game. He told me don't worry, just come and play. I am looking forward to it.

Jason thanked me for coming to spectate. That topped off the evening nicely... aside of forgetting to actually start the car and trying to go somewhere in drive or reverse, I was in a good mood that I didn't totally understand for most of the drive.

Foosball is for lovers [1]

Foosball seems a little obscure to me. Or at least, it's a thing of (un)finished basements that host mix-of-family-and-friends birthday gatherings. But I have a couple of personal connections with the game.

Maybe love is obscure these days. I'm not having an easy time of finding it. It's all over books and movies, but as much fun as it is to think so, those aren't real life.

One goes back to...well, I'm not sure if it would be middle or elementary school. My brother and I were the ages when we would play with toys together - Matchbox cars, "farm and construction", Legos/K'Nex, and maybe the horse barn sometimes... Yeah, I was kind of a boy. Oh well.

Playing games, telling stories, making things up. Things you might do when you're talking, smiling, laughing with someone - time to forget the world for the sake of two.

We acquired the foosball table from a family friend - she used to babysit for us, actually. I looked through pages and pages of Google image search results, but could not find any that looked remotely like that secondhand table. It was completely unsturdy on four kind-of-thin metal-tube legs, and the "table" part was a thin board that sagged towards one end. (The sagging probably made it the games a bit unfair, but I don't recall being bothered by that.) The goals were white plastic little crate-like things that stuck out from the ends with a red slider for the score, and oddly enough, the provided plastic ball (a la ping pong ball, but with yellow and red soccer-ball patterning) did not fit through the holes into the goals. We often substituted a "bouncy ball" (whatever happened to those things? 90s fad or something?). Dude I totally remember these two-colored ones! The color pairs were usually kind of ugly...

The beginning. He wasn't there. Funny that would be the case. I got really into it, though I wasn't very good. And then I had to go.

The plastic players were actually little figures - there was the red team and the yellow team, and I was usually yellow, my brother red. Some of the players were cracked across the stomach where the rod went through, and some slid along the rod so you could yank the rod way out from the side of the table. p.s.: The [one] goalie was not able to spin a 360-degree rotation - he hit the end of the table and got stuck. We didn't bother to use him much. :)

Before I left (and before he'd gone for a bit), we were together often. Days, walks, sun. Laughter, and sometimes, a moment.

My brother and I played the craziest games with that foosball table. In a one-on-one game you gotta manage 4 rods of players by yourself, so there's a lot of switching around hands and the ball movement was rather all over the place. (Only now do I see people playing with strategy in two-on-two games.) Since there wasn't much to the table, we'd be jerking it all around. If the ball got stuck in the caved-in corner, we merely gave the table a jump. We spun players like crazy except the goalies who got stuck. Before dropping the ball in after someone scored, we'd take a minute to realign the players who'd gotten inadvertently rotated on their rods during playtime. Oh and we assigned names to the players, but not people's names. We actually named them after names we had given our Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars. My yellow defenders were London (a black London taxi) and Tel. 4 (a yellow cherry picker labeled as belonging to Telephone Company No. 4, I imagine). I think the offense were a few of the race car "gang".

Things really used to drive me crazy, like my shyness, and watching him. Going up to the roof deck, and oh, those touches, because maybe they were nothing, but I liked to think they meant everything. I wondered all the time. I feared we were stuck and the reason was, well, out of our hands. How many times did I imagine?

I think we trashed or gave away that table years ago. We have a new, nice one now. I have hardly touched it for all the years since the games with the old table. All of life was going on for all the years that I didn't really play.

He didn't keep in touch much. I tried more than he did. I figured it was the way he is and mostly let it be that way. All of life was going on, anyway.

what's sensible? no clear idea.

[1] He sees me and I walk towards him. He gives me the same look, the same gesture as usual. It's something like "what gives?", which doesn't make much sense, because I don't think I've ever done anything that would deserve a "what gives?". I try to explain to him how I'm kind of dead from the week of midterms resulting in barely sleeping.

[2] Why am I having a resurgence of thoughts about him? Not much has been different recently. We have talked only a couple of times. One felt like the familiar back and forth, but the second seemed to slightly lack that warmth I was expecting.

[3] I've been worrying that I have said something wrong. Well, actually I think I did, and at exactly the wrong time. Without thinking, I plunged ahead along the lines of what had been going well, but forgot to consider the subject matter before choosing it. Then I got stuck.... He said it's okay, don't worry about it. He might just be saying that to be nice.

[1] I'm not as shy anymore, or at least not with him. I head for him to be my partner for this round of waltz. He's not so shy anymore either (unless he has always been like this and I never paid attention to these details before). He holds me in a strong frame, which I like. And he holds me closer.

[2] I'm thinking back more often than I have for awhile. Maybe the cold now makes me long for a sun that warms and for walking outside in a short-sleeved top, but I know it isn't just that. It's the heels too - especially in the grass. And the laughter, and the little craziness too, kind of.

[3] I've tried to patch it up, but now I may be on the unsure side. (Scratch that, I am on it.) Suddenly I wonder if I'm saying too much. Has anything I may have implied altered his perceptions? Because only now that I'm worrying do I feel more sure that I want to see if things might go somewhere.

[1] I feel this familiarity with him, although I'm not really sure how it's developing. We joke a bit. I have to back-lead him through the right turns, and my expression intends to poke a little fun at him, though I really do mean to help. For some reason, I might kind of like being close to him.

[2] I can't help running that time through my mind: the different parts, the little details I remember. It worked so naturally, so easily, even though I really didn't know how I was doing it. Maybe he made it easy. It was deviously, deliciously enjoyable. As we stood there, I knew what was going to happen. It did. Kind of ironic.

[3] Very coincidentally I happened to see him. We had a nice little exchange, or at least I really tried to make it that way. As we were nearing the end of the short conversation, all I wanted was some indication of a plan to see each other again. I was close to putting forth the idea, but I really was hoping he would suggest it... so I didn't. I fear being too forward, making assumptions. I hope he hasn't given up.

Today I read my horoscope, because it happened to be up on a screen in the cafe-ish place where I was. It said: "Problems in your romantic life don't have to ruin your day. Distractions abound." Well, sort of. I'm certainly distracted by all these situations. And I didn't even write about [4], [5], [6], the like.. who, once every now and again, attract my attention and thoughts.

What I feel like doing right now instead of working

I want to go back to the summer for a bit, when it would be warm and sunny outside and I looked forward to lunch... I'd read the Wall Street Journal in print, since pieces of that day's paper were scattered across random lunch tables in the carpeted, skylight-ed, comfy-chaired Dow Jones cafeteria anyway, and I'd like the feeling that maybe I understood something about what was happening in the world. And then Matt and I would usually go outside, and finally - finally - I wouldn't have to be cold for awhile. We'd walk around the building, often laughing over ridiculous stories (okay...his stories not mine, because I don't have too many, relative to him) and how I sometimes stumbled over my heels and how I had issues trying to make his iPhone scroll. It was an interesting summer in a number of ways, and often made me think beyond the mostly-sureness of college to what might come afterwards.

Even though I'm a bit sick (and of course only because I am actually a little sick do I suddenly once again appreciate breathing through mostly clear nasal passages and being able to swallow without feeling that little weird pang in any part of my mouth or throat), another part of me wants to jump back to the cruise after senior year of high school with the group of students led by my Spanish teacher. I want to be in a world totally different from my world right now, with days spent seeing beautiful buildings, drooling a little over the things sold in little street shops, eating too much gelato, and gazing off the back of the cruise ship at its huge wake in the aqua blue Mediterranean - and nights spent dressing up for dinner and later going to the "dee-sco" where, once I got up the courage, I'd squash onto the crowded tiny dance floor, getting lost in the infectious European house and dance beats, and occasionally, getting awfully close to the hot Italian boys we met. And I definitely intend both meanings of "hot".

Earlier today I was thinking, as I have now and then recently, of the night of the Take the Lead anniversary party last semester. I got to dress up and I was really happy with how my hair turned out. I met up with Xavier, my French-exchange-student friend, and Amr, my Egyptian friend, both of whom I met through the PLBD social dance lessons. (And I think it's crazy awesome knowing guys from France and Egypt.) They were both dressed really nicely, of course. Once we made it to the studio (via the Penn Transit van...interesting experience), we chatted, enjoyed food, took pictures. Then I got to see so many amazing dance performances - I kept turning around to Xavier, telling him (with a borderline-ridiculous level of excitement) how much I wanted to learn that one too, and he seemed just as excited. Later they put on music for social dancing... Xav and I attempted salsa with hilarious half-successful results that often got our arms into some kind of pretzel configuration. I danced cha cha (or something like it, since I had no idea how to do it) with a seemingly sketchy guy - and tried to get away quickly afterwards. Upon hearing a song for which I could not identify the dance, I asked Senthil, and thus received my first bachata lesson. I loved it! This also included the story I now tell people probably too often: he asked "Would you like me to dip you?" I guess I said okay, and it was really crowded so I accidentally kicked someone! It's always a funny memory. My night was completed when I walked back with Xav and Amr and enjoyed an amusing conversation.


In opposition to all of that, I have mathematics programming ahead of me, I'm tired, and whatever else. I don't know. I want some sunny intrigue, some of another world, some sexy Latin dancing, some sweet guy friends...

Christmas(-tree-decorating) music

A few CDs my family listens to around Christmastime...

Christmas Country Rock is apparently obscure enough that I can't even find the cover image online. It is from 1990 (according to Amazon), but still, makes me wonder where my parents got it in the first place, haha. We've listened to this CD for years and years, as in, when my brothers and I were little, we'd run around our (then-much-smaller) living room and play on the plastic rocking horse or sit-n-spin to these songs. And we probably skipped most of the "slow songs" in the middle of the album. "Jingle Bell Rock" was definitely one of my favorites back then, and I was always excited when we finally made it to that song, cuz it was the last one on the album. (Did I not know about shuffle, or something?) Yet only yesterday did I find it slightly ironic that it's "Jingle Bell Rock" on a country album... When I was little I also loved "Blue Christmas" and hey, I still do. It was probably a number of years though before I began to appreciate the great jazz(?)-like piano playing on the song, though. The album may feel a little worn out - we've been listening to it for like 17 years - but it's kinda like a pair of slippers with a hole in them that you don't want to get rid of and actually still really like because they are familiar and comfy.


Vanessa Williams's Star Bright is just an awesome Christmas album. The three customer reviews on the Amazon page describe this feeling very well. The songs are based on traditional and well-known melodies, but are rearranged to be upbeat and new and just really fun to listen to (and musically well-done, in my opinion). And I agree with one reviewer who said the music is still reverent - to me, (some of) these songs sound like they are really celebrating the birth of Jesus. (I say "some of" because some are secular.) I love her voice as well; she can sing both powerfully and ponderingly (ok I made that word up), whichever a song calls for. I'm not sure how long my family has had this album (Amazon says it came out in 1996 which is earlier than I had thought), but it's definitely one I know I'm going to enjoy every year. :)


Hmm... trying to think of other Christmas albums that have become "classic" in my house. We have one of Kenny G's Christmas albums (I've discovered, thanks to Ruckus, that there are quite a few of them) and an acoustic guitar album, both of which are collections of relaxing renditions of well-known songs. Of course there's the Nutcracker, the brilliance of which I fully realized a few years ago - part of broadening musical taste, I'd like to say. And speaking of broader taste, while decorating the tree yesterday evening, our CD player shuffled to a Christmas album by Chicago, which someone gave to someone in our family as a gift. Nearly everyone else in my family proceeded to state how Chicago and Christmas songs just don't mix at all, blah blah... I didn't think it was quite that bad, but after a song and a half or so, I think we did put on something else.


I've just come back from Christmas Eve Mass, which included quite a lot of music. Most of it was very traditional songs, sung by the choir and accompanied by piano, sometimes with handbells. The readings were interspersed with song verses, and the priest sang all the prayers that precede Eucharist. This abundance of music made me notice a few things. One's that I was able to pay much better attention if I had the hymnal out in front of me and followed the words of the current song - i.e. this mitigated quite a lot of my focusing problem. And though I've heard these songs many times, by focusing I found myself trying to find new meaning in them. Or at least I tried to immerse myself in the scene of the night of the birth of Christ - the stable, the gentle mother Mary, the curiosity of the shepherds, the angels, and above all, the joy to be found in the love embodied in the gift of God's Son. (I also started imagining scenes I could draw, including one of Mary, well, rocking out, and baby Jesus raising an eyebrow. Then I thought maybe this wasn't the best idea, haha.)

Anyway, taking a step back, music seems to be an integral part of praise and worship. I noticed that I was missing playing clarinet with the choir and even imagined adding in some accompaniment parts to the songs - I wish I had the compositional ability to do so; though, I haven't tried, so maybe.... But when I start getting caught up in enjoying playing with the choir, something always nags me: I feel like I may be forgetting the point of the music and enjoying the music as its own entity. The music is supposed to be a gift of praise, maybe even considered "using our gifts" (talents) as we are often told to do in various places in the Bible. Technically/physically I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, but mentally, again I think my focus could be out of place. I would guess that enjoying the music is fine, and good, assuming that God wants us to enjoy our gift back to Him. But I think I should also have my mind on the thanking, praising, and sharing of God, as these are (some of) the purposes of the music. Maybe when I go back to Penn and start playing clarinet with the choir again, I can try to reflect on the message of the song (or the readings of that Mass, or whatever) while playing. That would be a start, I think.

Kenny G's "Esther", Photos, and Memories

It's after 3am. I'm at home, on my computer, wrapped in a blanket in our study. Back in high school I made a number of photo collages as gifts for friends. For Christmas a couple or three years ago, I made one for my grandmother composed of pictures of our family, mainly of me and my brothers. I suppose my aunt really liked it, and this year she requested one. So I copied about 3.5 gigs of photos from our family digital camera onto my flash drive and went through them, selecting good pictures of our family (way too many of them) to hopefully squash into this collage...

I downloaded a bunch of Kenny G albums since I went to see him in concert last night (absolutely amazing, but for another post..), and have been listening through them while going through all these pictures. Eventually I came to this song (embedded above) and it really moved me, and I thought how beautiful these family pictures are... People smiling, with family, with friends, silliness, enjoyment, graduations, milestone dances (8th grade dance, junior prom), birthdays, awards, vacations, Christmas, just so many special moments. And how damn good we look when we just smile. And how these pictures have captured these moments in time forever, and we can't go back, but we can look, and we can feel.. and I am touched, and happy we can hold on to the memories this way.

what it's like, missing him

walked through my lobby, and saw two girls sitting on one of the couches, talking.

walked by the philly diner.

looked through those pictures, from that night, and still thought they were funny.

laughed over a few dirty jokes with a friend, and felt that twinge of sadness.

listened to a song i came to really like because of him; tried to make the lyrics mean something different in my head.

saw a facebook friend's profile picture in which she was kissing a guy.

read another facebook friend's status: "[so and so] loves him."

imagined myself going to that starbucks sometime, by myself, up to the second floor, sitting down at a table...

amidst a stack of papers on my desk, saw a couple of programs from the night we went to two shows together, and remembered how he tried to make me keep his ticket stub too, "to remember him by".

listened to a song i like which has repeating lyrics that say "baby you're, in my arms" and knew that wasn't gonna happen anymore.

asked my roommate if she minded if a guy friend of mine came over for a bit, kinda late at night, the way i used to ask when he was going to come.. but this time it wasn't him.

walked over to wawa and bought coffee and a pretzel, around 11:30pm, by myself...

talked with him online a little and felt a bit strained, if not a little scared... even got brave enough to mention a normal topic, and he said something funny, and i laughed but it hurt because that's the kind of enjoyment i'm now missing.

remembered that time when i ran into him unexpectedly in my lobby and how good it felt to see him and be with him for just those five minutes.

listened to his voice on the phone, listened to the way he talked, and wanted to cry because i probably wouldn't be having those good conversations with him much anymore, if at all.

a daft punk song came on to remind me that all they played at the alley was daft punk remixes, that time we went bowling together.

thought of all the things i had wanted to do with him.

remembered how when he met him, my good friend said he seemed like a really good guy.

thought of when he wanted me to go out of my way, walking with him through the cold, so he could spend more time with me. i felt special and wanted.

curled up in bed at night, put my face into my round fuzzy squishy pillow that he liked, and inhaled, but it only faintly smelled like him. (and maybe i was wishing that faint scent into existence.)

went to the place that used to be called bucks county coffee with a friend, and remembered paying for his coffee the time we went there.

saw someone signing in a friend at the desk, and thought about how the guest logs suddenly won't have his name in it all the time anymore.

...

the interesting thing is this. i am able to think of other things, and not about him. and then, it doesn't hurt (obviously). this is a good thing, cuz i have so much work and it does require thinking and concentration. but... i want to hurt for him. i want to think about him and miss him and yeah sometimes, i want to cry for not being able to be with him anymore. it's bittersweet... and i think that's the reason why i want the hurt.

where might this train of thought lead?

i walked out from the lobby of the other high rise, passing a couple fellow dmders along the way, and stepped out into the night where people, who were probably heading to or from parties, were out minimally populating the walkways. the night was chilly and he was on my mind cuz i'd been in touch with him, just a little bit, in the past couple of hours. and i'd gained a flickering hope of something to look forward to, maybe some little way i could help... if not that, maybe i could at least continue to understand him better.

but my mind as always pushes onward with imagination and paths faster than i can restrain it with reality. i miss him, i want to see him... i want to take a walk with him out in the beauty of the night, when the weather is clear and feels so good, and i want to talk with him, seriously.. and even though i'm almost sure it can't happen, if that little sliver could appear which might be the only time i could dive in for that chance, although it would be fairly awful of me to do so, for his sake, ... i want to kiss him.

it's a bit weird the way that thought keeps coming to mind, at fairly random times, these days. i know where it came from though, the point that possibly reawakened something i've been ignoring for so long that it's become so routinely embedded; i'm not even aware i'm doing it. that night i found out three things within probably just two minutes of time. with that, it began, though i'm not sure if i fully realized the impact yet. the night went on just fine, and came to an end with a very enjoyable time. i got back, and sat down, and suddenly it hit me like.. i don't even know what. but i froze, as this realization hit me and monopolized my mind. thoughts flew around and it was like all these little things came together and made sense. i couldn't do anything else; i spent time delving into memories and putting more things in place. yet, even as all of this was coming together, i was scared. i didn't want to be sure of this. would it make everything different? and then i started wondering if it would even last till morning. was this all something crazy that was happening as a product of one night on which these things happened? if i was so good at not thinking about it, such that i never even considered bringing it to mind, maybe that procedure would be automatically invoked and i would go back to normal, and this would be a fleeting story.

it happened, somewhat. i woke up and i wasn't frozen. my mind was freed from the hold by the thoughts that had come the night before. i've gone on and lived each day and things are normal. i bet i am as good as i think, about not thinking about it. i don't even have to try, really.

except for now and then, it'll come back. maybe it's a moment, but i always recognize it. sometimes i think of it at night, and it seems like all this pain, because i am almost trapped, i can't take action without so much risk and the possibility of inflicting hurt or stress and the chance of loss. and i have respect for him, and care for him, and i don't want to make it more difficult than it already is. even so, i reason to myself, there are some fundamental things that could cause problems. usually that argument fails to deter me though; it doesn't stop how much the laughter, the comfort, the experiences, and the glimpses of who he is that i've been so lucky to see all mean to me.

as much time and mental energy as i've put into trying to understand love, and formulate a personal concept of it that is right as far as i can determine, this situation probably confuses me more than anything else. sometimes i think i am going to lose what might be something that makes more sense to me than many other possibilities or situations i've come across; but i don't even have a real chance, so is it my fault if i don't ever attempt a humble and respectful try? but what about how it only hits me at times...and for the rest of the time i can leave it in some deep recess of my mind (heart?) and just be as i've been for so long? right now, that starts to look like i'm trying to push away something that i know is true, but... fine, i know i'm indecisive. probably the bigger cause here though is that i'm scared. i don't want to break things and i don't want to cause hurt. i'll sacrifice myself, because hey, i am good at it; i have accumulated so much practice in it that it's become basically okay by now. i still have what i do have, and whatever happens, anything at all, i know i do not want to lose that.

unhappy things

[one]

I miss talking with somebody on a regular basis, telling stories/news and sharing thoughts and being open. Leaving messages back and forth online and laughing. Knowing that someone's thinking about you (and you think of them) and looking forward to both funny lighthearted conversations and serious conversations. Okay...so I've got an experience from last summer on my mind. Not to say I haven't talked to anyone this summer, I have talked with several people, and had the occasional meaningful conversation, and even kept in somewhat regular touch with a couple. But (sorry for the annoying cliché) it's just not the same. I guess I had something special, which means of course I'm not going to truly appreciate it till I no longer have it...seems to be a rule of my life or something. And I think this kind of friendship is one that may elude you if you seek it on purpose; it'll find you when you are neither trying to find it nor expecting it. This just makes it all the better: "I don't know how it happened, but I'm so happy it did."

So based on all that, I suppose the best I can do is not worry about it too much, huh? Just wait and see what happens. I only hope something does.

[two]

This is far less meaningful to me, and has nothing to do with the above (except maybe social emailing, but I haven't done that for real in...six years? Though, there is something to be said for it. Another time.). Anyway, so I've gotten really extremely lazy with my email. My old "home" email, instated in 7th grade, doesn't get much these days aside of ads for online shopping (which I may or may not have really signed up for), so I don't usually bother with it anyway... And with my school email, not gonna lie, there are certain listserves I pay more attention to and some I only glance at for the most part. But usually during the school year I try to read the important stuff and respond to it. And even though it's the summer now, I'm still getting some important stuff (especially about Koosh's band camp at Penn that I'm gonna be a counselor for) that I really really should be keeping up to date on...but I'm just not. I check my email and then I don't make myself read them. I dunno why this laziness is so compelling. It exists in other realms of my life; seems to be generally that I can't get started on doing some kind of project or other, even something I think I want to work on. But really, reading emails? Not so hard. Yeah, I should really start pulling myself back onto track. Might as well try to get into a habit of being organized with email (at the least) before going back for next year.

Freshman year at Penn ... v.3

This (and similar future posts) are inspired by a Facebook note written by Keelan... hope he doesn't mind me stealing the idea :)

The following is a list of things that happened in my freshman year of college, in a fairly random order, as I think of them:

• first roommate I met - running into Erica in the Rodin lobby when I was checking in
• my dad helping Tatini and her parents install her mirror on her room door
• wearing my beach towel to the NSO toga party
• "sketchy toga party guys" and Jen (me), Lee (Simone), Natasha (Tatini), Monica Sanchez (Marcela) and...crap what was Ben's ?? [thanks to Simone for remembering Marcela's code name haha]
  
• fire drills at 4am and 7am, everyone trudging out to the stairway in pajamas
• the wind tunnel
• baking Nick's bday cake (buying stuff at Fresh Grocer, borrowing the heart-shaped pan, spelling the words on it with Cheerios)
• running from DDF to wind ensemble (only a half hour in between) on Thursday nights
• slipping on Locust Walk in the rain in my clogs and flip flops
• keeping the list of funny quotes ("Penn Quotes")
• discovering when I first arrived at Penn that I'd been missing out on Facebook (because EVERYBODY was talking about it), and hence getting it immediately when I set up my computer haha
• listening to Mae all the time on purevolume.com (before Ruckus)
  
• had a crush on a guy I'd started talking to over the summer; decided later on that it was probably superficial O:-)
• freaking out in my first CSE110 recitation because the TA TOTALLY confused me when he tried to explain something like x = x + 5 in Java, telling Eric Fisher about it, and ending up switching into his recitation
• getting breakfast at Commons with Dan every Thursday morning (because I had class from 9:30 to 1:30 I think?), then walking to our math104 recitation
• learning what spooning is, and discovering I'd already done it haha
• getting hot chocolate with Rebecca after band field rehearsals on our way back to the high rises...
• ...and eventually transferring to mochas, then lattes, and declaring myself a Starbucks coffee person (after years of thinking I don't like coffee!)
• falling asleep ALL THE TIME in the first row in music theory!
• eating chocolate covered espresso beans and absolutely cracking up over whatever with Rebecca instead of studying for something
• first time I ever slept in the same bed with a guy
• exchanging "stories" all the time online with Henri
• room switching in Rodin 108 halfway through the year
• over spring break, a 260 problem defeated both me and my dad for hours one night; then as I was falling asleep I figured it out, and later led Dan through the steps to figure it out :)
• doing math104 homework with Dan during his ITA lab hours on Wednesday nights (the night before it was due in recitation, of course)
• spending hours playing Stepmania with Evan one night instead of doing our homework (my first time playing it, and hence the beginning of my addiction haha)
• shopping for Freshman Formal attire at King of Prussia with Erica, Tatini, and John (and the craziness of the buses to get there and back!)
• going to Chris's Jazz Cafe with Rebecca (for my jazz history class) and with my jazz writing seminar class
• after playing Sweet Child o' Mine all the time in Penn Band, I finally listened to the real song and liked it so much that I listened to it over and over till Erica came in and asked me what was going on! haha
• eating dinner at Commons with everyone: Erica, Tatini, and Simone; Matt (our GA); sometimes Ben and Chris from across the hall
• when the washing machine left my clothes soaking wet so that after 2 runs through the dryer, they still had to be hung up on the clothes rack for awhile to dry
• late-night bus trip with John to the art store Pearl on South Street cuz I needed gray paper last minute for drawing class
• Keelan wearing someone's high heels at the Penn Band Semiformal (hilarious!!)
• staying up till about 5:15am finishing my jazz history final paper on Praful (latest I'd stayed up up to that point, I think)
  
• Rodin ski trip to Camelback with John: discovering maybe I'm only good enough to ski double green circles (apparently those Montage black diamonds were nothing much, haha), falling once and losing a ski, falling again via crashing into someone and getting impressive bruises on both knees, getting run over by a lift (hahaha), the bus breaking down (or did it hit another vehicle?) when we were almost back... good times :D
• discovering that rainboots are fashionable (never would have guessed!)
• fell madly in "like" just after it was too late (as usual), spent a couple months or so pining away reading over saved online conversations and listening to supposedly emo music, finally got angry enough to let go, and slowly redeveloped a friendship
• experienced my first kiss
• nudged two friends into converting to DMD (my major)
• savored the glory of having only one class on Fridays (first semester), and the icing on the cake: it was not till 1pm!
• played Outdoor Overture AGAIN - after having the solo part in high school concert band, I found out what the third part is like thanks to the wind ensemble...
• came home for fall break and visited my high school marching band, where I was smothered by hugs from my clarinets - it felt so amazing :)
• carved the beginning of my downhill curve in calculus: math 104 was okay, but math 114 started getting harder... (maybe it was the professor's approach to teaching, but still.) I started thinking maybe I don't like math so much anymore?
  
• confused my shoulder for my elbow one day in said math 114 class (hahahahha Grace...)
• began experiencing the great ups and downs of being in a relationship
• wrote perhaps the most inefficient program I've written so far in my life: every time I wanted to write a line to a file, I opened/closed a FileWriter. Let me tell you, it was SLOW. And absolutely hilarious - after I figured out what was going on, hahaha.
• woke up 15 minutes before my jazz history class, put on the first clothes I found, walked as fast as I could to Fisher Bennett, and climbed 4 flights of stairs to get to the room - and still arrived while people were moseying on in with their coffee/breakfast
• got caught in pouring rain after a band field rehearsal... walked back to Platt with Jenn and Keelan and got drenched since my umbrella was back in Platt, then had to stand dripping in the lobby while my forgotten Penn Card was fetched for me from downstairs. Returned to my room and hung up my pants to dry for like 3 days lol.
• sat between Dan and Evan while the two of them doodled and wrote little notes back and forth on my 260 notebook - so much for paying attention in class that day, hahaha
• making the "ADD in DMD" Facebook group with Michelle...during DDF...haha
• watching Nirav and Luke play guitar just inside the quad entrance till like 3am
  
• ..more to come?