Anberlin: Retrace

Oh, how I've tried
To get you out of my head
And I lie with broken words I said
Never thought I'd walk on this street again
Standing where it all began

Tried to forget
When I left this town
Well it takes me right back
When I come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm back there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

Oh now I find,
Every subtle thing screams your name
It reminds me of places and times we've shared
Couldn't live locked in these memories
Now I'm chained to my thoughts again

And I tried to forget
When I left this town
But I'll take you right back
If you come back around

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm back there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

I need some shelter
I need some safety
Photographs they
Haunt me lately
Chasing shadows
As the evening takes me
I'm still searching but the picture's fading

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
I'm back there by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards
Still counting backwards

And nowhere else has ever felt like home
And I can’t fall asleep
When I’m lying here alone
I replay your voice
It's like you're here
You move the earth
But now the sky is falling

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night
In my mind I'm back by your side
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

(lyrics credit)

Eva Cassidy: Ain't No Sunshine

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
It's not warm when he's away
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And he's always gone too long
Anytime he goes away

I wonder, this time where he's gone
Wonder, how long he's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime he goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know

I know when he's gone
Always gone too long
Anytime he goes away
Anytime he goes away
Anytime he goes mmm

(lyrics credit)

Kaskade: Be Still

It’s nice when the heart
The heart is beating faster
Feeling alive when there is wanting
Always the same
I jump too quickly
Be still my soul

It’s love so serious
The more we think
The less we know
It’s love mysterious
Holding tight
When we should let go

Now that this love
Has overcome me
Now that this fire
Is burning bright
All of these words
Seem just beyond my reasoning

Be still my soul

It’s love so serious
The more we think
The less we know
It’s love mysterious
Holding tight
When we should let go

Be still my soul
Just let it go

(lyrics credit)

- "Ghost"

Lately I've been thinking
Lately I've been dreaming with you

(Howie Day)

crazy, again

I've been hooked on the music these days. It's what I want to listen to in the morning when I'm getting ready for the day. And I want it at night too, which is probably not the best idea for concentrating on the work I should be doing. It has moved me into a genre I hadn't tested out much before, but as always I am happy about this musical expansion. And I'm even finding enjoyable variations among the three albums I downloaded.

At first it was just about the music. That's probably how I usually start listening to something a lot, anyway. Now, though, I'm starting to notice the lyrics. Somehow they keep taking me back. They want to offer explanations, they put my emotions into words; they tell me the story I've got in my head. I don't suppose this helps, in any way, the notion of getting this unfinished story out of my head.

People - friends - are telling me this is what I need to do. The story was cut off, a bit harshly, and trying to pick it up is not what I should do. They tell me I'm better off this way. I'm not going to flat-out contradict them, because their logic makes sense. I've also been on the other side of the disconnection process, so I remember the way it finally worked. I guess I could do it; in fact, I was even kind of on the path...

The music's crazy: it's my life, right now. The irony leads to that beautiful, familiar bittersweet emotional taste. That's the problem. The bitter part should make me want to give it up. The sweet part, though, is powerfully there. And - as I've been through before - the bitter part has a strange attraction as well. I think I might know why: as long as I'm living the bitter part together with the sweet, it means I haven't given up totally. I'm going to survive on through it, against the clearer path of letting go, because this path is too special to give up yet.

I lean over close to my window, balancing with a hand on the heater. To the right are the changing-color lights and below's the diner. I breathe onto the cold of the window, obscuring the view. Like the circle of condensation on the window, things aren't clear. I know I hold on. I know I have bad nostalgia sessions. I know of the attraction of the bittersweet situation. These are my tendencies. Even with these factors, my mind is defying my own sensible logic. I didn't know for sure, I jumped in maybe a bit lightly. When I tell others I will summarize by the quintessential moments, but there were probably at least as many times that weren't like those - and just as I'm trying to argue why I shouldn't still be so gripped, the opposite reasons flood into mind. So I try to counter them with further logic. Time is supposed to create distance, right? Thinking relatively, there should easily be enough time now to have created enough distance. That argument, of course, cracks, threatens to explode to pieces, when the distance is removed in a few hours' time.

In this circle of logic I get sometimes get stuck, but probably more often I give in. I don't try to combat the good reasons with the push-away ones. I go down this path and my mind becomes enthralled again. Then I step back, seeing that this level of entanglement might actually be pretty crazy. Here's where arguments of whatever kind fall to the background: on their own, the inputs and outputs just don't make sense with each other. Probably I'm increasing the outputs by my own thoughts. Even this is an example. I don't think I can find an answer, at least not the way things are right now, and so I've gone on putting here what I feel and think, but I doubt I've "gotten" anywhere.

As much as it engulfs me, now and so many times these days, sometimes the want comes to mind for it never to have happened this way.

But how can I deny that path of events?

--

I would add lyrics... but there are just too many coming at me all at once.

feeling that didn't make sense

Driving at night and listening to the radio usually gets me into a ponderous mood. Tonight as I came to the end of my (short) drive home, I started getting this feeling. It was kind of like anxiously excited, anticipating something that I was nervous about but wanted. I can probably blame the music for being in my mind at the moment, but this feeling was tinted with the thought of being close with a guy. Not really one guy in particular though... There were probably about three in my mind, each in some way. I know I wasn't going to be with any of them (being close, I mean), not tonight and more than likely not soon, and maybe never. A part of it, I figure, was an infusion of missing someone, and somehow being excited as if I was looking forward to being with him. It's like the night inspired this excitement, but there was nothing actually for which to be excited, and so... I stayed in the car, in the driveway, finishing up listening to that song. Then I was left with the feeling, letting it be whatever it was, because that's all there could be to it.

--

When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight

These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight

You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the lord

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
over and over
These thoughts run through my head


(http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/anberlin/paperthinhymn.html)

flirting... via texting

Actually for a long time I hadn't really been sure what flirting is. Maybe I should say "haven't", cuz I'm still not sure if I know what it is now... except I think I've done it. Sometimes I think that's what I'm doing with some of the guys at dance, ones I'm kinda friends with to various levels - either that, or I'm confusing it with the ridiculously happy mood that I'm usually in at the social lessons, and how that makes me all over-enthusiastic and bubbly. (At any rate, I don't really care; I think some of them have girlfriends, and I'm just happy anyway to be dancing, and they're nice guys so I like dancing with them and maybe running into them on Locust Walk, etc.) There is this one time that I did a damn good job of flirting, and okay, I am proud of it, haha. (It all came so easily, and was such fun, in such a devious-feeling way...)

But oh yeah, texting... I've often thought it an interesting method of communication, in terms of the potential for flirting. Clearly you are not face to face, which is both good and bad - it removes the pressure of having to respond right away, but you also lose the entire element of physical communication - the expressions, the movements, the little hints with the eyes, and all of those can be key (in their own subtle ways). By texting back and forth you can have a kind of "conversation", but it's easy and acceptable to let a bit of time pass in between responses. Then you can take a little time to figure out the response you want to give - much easier to keep the "going at it" going, if you want. I've also found it easier to throw in serious bits of conversation, if I want, without worrying much about awkwardness. Quite the dynamic, and hey, I enjoy it.

~

Looking out my window at some girl as I'm writing this
And I watch her eat a peach, the way she's biting it, biting it
And I probably shouldn't stare, but I am fighting it, fighting it
And I think that she's aware and kind of liking it, liking it

Hot girls, they can break me, break me
Hot girls, you know what you're doing
Now, hot girls, come and break me, break me
Hot girls, take me where you are going

On her motorbike, the way she's riding it, riding it
And she says it feels so good but she is hiding it, hiding it
Wet lips to cigarette and now she's striking it, lighting it
As she looks me in the eye, hell, she must know she's inviting it

Hot girls, they can break me, break me
Hot girls, you know what you're doing
Now, hot girls, come and break me, break me
Hot girls, take me where you are going

I've got nothing to prove, ain't got nothing to lose
If you need someone to use, I can take the abuse

holding up some paper to her window, she's writing her name
and number and I'm laughing as I'm dialing it, dialing it

I've got nothing to prove, ain't got nothing to lose
If you need someone to use, I can take the abuse

Hot girls, they can break me, break me
Hot girls, you know what you're doing
Now, hot girls, come and break me, break me
Hot girls, take me where you are going

Hot girls, they can break me, break me
Hot girls, you know what you're doing
Now, hot girls, come and break me, break me
Hot girls, take me where you are going

Hot girls, hot girls, hot girls, hot girls


(http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/inxs/hotgirls.html)

I love this song every time

Take a listen through the window
Take a lover on the radio
Ask her if she's got an answer
Do you know

Time enough to get a good one
Though they never seem to get done
I am standing for a reason
Do you know

[Chorus]
'Cause I don't know how
And I don't know where
We are we are

And I don't know why
I don't know if
We are we are

Seven days and not a return
Seven lives and not a thing learned
Take a lover on the highway
Do you know?

'Cause I am sleeping on a time bomb
And I am waiting for the light to come
You and I could get away now
Do you know

[Chorus]

I get up sometimes
Like somebody else
Am I just wasting time
For somebody else

Take a listen through the window
Another lover on the radio
Ask her if she's got an answer
Do you know?

[Chorus]



(http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/verticalhorizon/weare.html)

"makin' me high"

It's the fallin' in love that's makin' me high
It's the being in love that makes me cry cry
You've got me fallin' in love

You're not like anybody I ever knew
But that don't mean that I don't know where we are
And though I find myself attracted to you
This time I'm trying not to go too far, cause

No matter how it starts it ends the same
Someone's always doing someone more
Trading in the passion for that taste of pain
It's only gonna happen again

It's the fallin' in love that's makin' me high
It's the being in love that makes me cry cry cry
It's the fallin' in love that's makin' me high
It's the being in love that makes me cry cry cry
All night... all night

And though I'm trying not to look in your eyes
Each time I do they kind of burn right through me
Don't want to lay down in a bed full of lies
And yet my heart is saying come and do me

Now we're just a web of mystery
A possibility of more to come
I'd rather leave the fantasy of what might be
But here I go fallin' again

It's the fallin' in love that's makin' me high
It's the being in love that makes me cry cry cry
It's the fallin' in love that's makin' me high
It's the being in love that makes me cry cry cry cry cry
It's the fallin' in love
(You got me falling in love, got me falling in love)
...



(http://www.allmichaeljackson.com/lyrics/itsthefallinginlove.html)

Styx lyrics

Well I feel like a deficient blogger cuz I haven't posted anything in awhile... but as I also have to get to sleep, this will be kind of quick.

I was introduced to Styx thanks to my high school marching band director when he chose a Styx field show for us in my sophomore year. Suffice it to say (for now) that I absolutely loved it. I later searched out an album (Greatest Hits) that has all 5 songs we marched to: Grand Illusion, Renegade, The Best of Times, Too Much Time On My Hands, and Come Sail Away. I ended up loving almost every other song on the album as well :D. The music is what I like most, but some of the lyrics have caught my attention too. Most songs I hear today don't have much of a message or an original subject, but a bunch of the Styx songs I know do. So, here are some that I like or find interesting, without additional comment:


Blue Collar Man
Give me a job, give me security
Give me a chance to survive
I'm just a poor soul in the unemployment line
My God, I'm hardly alive
My mother and father, my wife and my friends
I see them laugh in my face
But I've got the power, and I've got the will
I'm not a charity case
I'll take those long nights, impossible odds
Keeping my eye to the keyhole
If it takes all that to be just what I am
Well, I'm gonna be a blue collar man

Make me an offer that I can't refuse
Make me respectable, man
This is my last time in the unemployment line
So like it or not I'll take those

Long nights, impossible odds
Keeping my back to the wall
If it takes all that to be just what I am
Well, I'm gonna be a blue collar man

Keeping my mind on a better life
Where happiness is only a heartbeat away
Paradise, can it be all I heard it was
I close my eyes and maybe I'm already there

I'll take those long nights, impossible odds
Keeping my back to the wall
All that be just what I am
Well, I'm gonna be a blue collar man
You don't understand

I'll take those long nights, impossible odds
Keeping my eye to the keyhole
If it takes all that be just who I am
Well I vow to be a blue collar, gotta be a blue collar,
Gonna be a Blue collar man.

Believe it.


Too Much Time On My Hands
Sitting on this barstool talking like a damn fool
Got the twelve o'clock news blues
And I've given up hope on the afternoon soaps
And a bottle of cold brew
Is it any wonder I'm not crazy? Is it any wonder I'm sane at all
Well I'm so tired of losing- I got nothing to do and all day to do it
I go out cruisin' but I've no place to go and all night to get there
Is it any wonder I'm not a criminal?
Is it any wonder I'm not in jail?
Is it any wonder I've got

Too much time on my hands, it's ticking away with my sanity
I've got too much time on my hands, it's hard to believe such a calamity
I've got too much time on my hands and it's ticking away from me
Too much time on my hands, too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands

Well, I'm a jet fuel genius - I can solve the world's problems
Without even trying
I have dozens of friends and the fun never ends
That is, as long as I'm buying
Is it any wonder I'm not the president
(He's not the president)
Is it any wonder I'm null and void?
Is it any wonder I've got

Too much time on my hands, it's ticking away at my sanity
I've got too much time on my hands, it's hard to believe such a calamity
I've got too much time on my hands and it's ticking away from me
Too much time on my hands, too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands


Suite Madame Blue
Time after time I sit and I wait for your call
I know I'm a fool but why can I say
Whatever the price I'll pay for you, Madame Blue
Once long ago, a word from your lips and the world turned around
But somehow you've changed, you're so far away
I long for the past and dream of the days with you, Madame Blue

Suite Madame Blue, gaze in your looking glass
You're not a child anymore
Suite Madame Blue, the future is all but past
Dressed in your jewels, you made your own rules
You conquered the world and more ..............heaven's door

America....America...America..America..
America....America...America..America..
America....America...America..America..

Red white and blue, gaze in your looking glass
You're not a child anymore
Red, white, and blue, the future is all but past
So lift up your heart, make a new start
And lead us away from here


Crystal Ball
I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line
I used to think that everything was fine
Sometimes I'd like to sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams
All alone and trapped in time
All alone and trapped in time

I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me
Or am I even in it's mind at all
Perhaps I'll get a chance to look ahead and see
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball

Tell me, tell me where I'm going
I don't know where I've been
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
And then tell me again
My heart is breaking, my body's aching
And I don't know where to go
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
I've just got to know

Crystal ball
There's so many things I need to know
Crystal ball
There's so many things I've got to know
Crystal ball


Miss America
You were the apple of the public's eye as you cut the ribbon at the local mall
A mirage for both you and us. How can it be real?
We love your body in that photograph, your home state sure must be proud
The queen of the United States, or have you lost your crown

Well aren't you Miss America
Don't you Miss America
Won't you Miss America
Our love

Well are you really who we think you are
Or does that smile seem to wear you down
This girl who you once were is screaming jump out
This dream that you must live - a disease for which there is no cure
This roller coaster ride you're on won't stop to let you off

Well aren't you Miss America
Don't you Miss America
Won't you Miss America
Our love

Miss America, Miss America
Miss America, Miss America

Well it's true just take a look - The cover sometimes makes the book
And the judges, do they ever ask to read between your lines
And in your cage at the human zoo, they all stop to look at you
Next year, what will you do when you have been forgotten

Well aren't you Miss America
Don't you Miss America
Won't you Miss America
Our love


Come Sail Away
I'm sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea
I've got to be free, free to face the life that's ahead of me
On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrow on every shore
And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on

I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We live happily forever, so the story goes
But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
But we'll try best that we can to carry on

A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said
They said come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me

I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise
They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me


The Best Of Times
Tonight's the night we'll make history, honey, you and I
And I'll take any risk to tie back the hands of time
And stay with you here tonight
I know you feel these are the worst of times
I do believe it's true
When people lock their doors and hide inside
Rumor has it it's the end of Paradise
But I know, if the world just passed us by
Baby I know, you wouldn't have to cry

The best of times are when I'm alone with you
Some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two
Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
We'll take the best, forget the rest
And someday we'll find these are the best of times
These are the best of times

The headlines read 'these are the worst of times'
I do believe it's true
I feel so helpless like a boat against the tide
I wish the summer winds could bring back Paradise
But I know, if the world turned upside down
Baby, I know you'd always be around

The best of times are when I'm alone with you
Some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two
Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
We'll take the best, forget the rest
And someday we'll find these are the best of times
These are the best of times

And so my friends we'll say goodnight
For time has claimed it's prize
But tonight will always last
As long as we keep alive memories of Paradise...


The Grand Illusion
Welcome to the Grand illusion
Come on in and see what's happening
Pay the price, get your tickets for the show
The stage is set, the band starts playing
Suddenly your heart is pounding
Wishing secretly you were a star.

But don't be fooled by the radio
The TV or the magazines
They show you photographs of how your life should be
But they're just someone else's fantasy
So if you think your life is complete confusion
Because you never win the game
Just remember that it's a Grand illusion
And deep inside we're all the same.
We're all the same...

So if you think your life is complete confusion
Because your neighbors got it made
Just remember that it's a Grand illusion
And deep inside we're all the same.
We're all the same...

America spells competition, join us in our blind ambition
Get yourself a brand new motor car
Someday soon we'll stop to ponder what on Earth's this spell we're under
We made the grade and still we wonder who the hell we are


Mr. Roboto
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Himitsu wo shiri tai

You're wondering who I am-machine or mannequin
With parts made in Japan, I am the modren man

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised
I'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive-just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive

I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not what you see
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control
Beyond my control-we all need control
I need control-we all need control

I am the modren man, who hides behind a mask
So no one else can see my true identity

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For helping me escape just when I needed to
Thank you-thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you

The problem's plain to see: too much technology
Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize.

The time has come at last
To throw away this mask
So everyone can see
My true identity...
I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy!



(All lyrics from Lyrics On Demand ... always credit your sources, haha.)