I used to get these strong moments of nostalgia when I was ending a major period of my life -- I remember having visited my high school's band camp the summer before I was headed to college, and afterward, lying across my bed at home, in a near-physical pain about leaving marching band. It was one of the experiences I most intensely loved throughout four years of high school and I expected nothing would be like it again. And my college band experience really wasn't much like it, after all. But that had all its own variables of course. So I still look back past college band to high school band with a special fondness.
In the evening of my graduation day from Penn, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I was trying to pack to move out of my dorm apartment room and kept thinking of how some of my closest friends would be disappearing across the country. I began checking in with friends to see if anyone wanted to go out and do something, because I had to get out of that room and the physical actions of preparing to leave the campus (and a life built over four years). Eventually I was told to meet up at City Tap House -- my first night there actually; I went thankfully.
Life post-college has developed wonderfully, and accordingly, my amount of time to rest is typically on a slow but steady decrease. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have found these activities -- mainly dancing -- and the truly beautiful community thereof. I hardly have time to process and appreciate it all enough. The excellent side benefit is one I often don't notice: I usually don't have the mental time to fall into nostalgia. It almost makes sense... why should I be sad and miss the past if the present is full of happiness?
But sometimes, I open up a memory. And I hold it for a long moment. I can be sad if I think of it as a loss, that someone or something is no longer an element of my life, or if an experience was much briefer than I would wish it to be. But there is a deep joy and appreciation that shines through this. It was a part of my life -- a part meaningful enough to leave a lasting and treasured impression. That's why the word 'bittersweet' is so perfect, and why I don't push away those moments of nostalgia when I find myself in them. I find value in appreciating them once again, just within myself.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
social dynamic reciprocation?
Thought:
In the blues/swing dance community I am surrounded by many incredibly nice and friendly people. (I hate how generic those terms are, but they are basically the terms that apply.) There are many people I still am just getting to know on more of a friend level (i.e. a step beyond "hey it's fun to dance with you" level), and pretty much everyone is open to chatting away easily and comfortably. I feel like I've found gold in this group of people. And this circles back and inspires me to act in kind. What I ended up wondering just now was whether others get the same vibe back from me... (I hope!)
In the blues/swing dance community I am surrounded by many incredibly nice and friendly people. (I hate how generic those terms are, but they are basically the terms that apply.) There are many people I still am just getting to know on more of a friend level (i.e. a step beyond "hey it's fun to dance with you" level), and pretty much everyone is open to chatting away easily and comfortably. I feel like I've found gold in this group of people. And this circles back and inspires me to act in kind. What I ended up wondering just now was whether others get the same vibe back from me... (I hope!)
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