Kaskade: Be Still

It’s nice when the heart
The heart is beating faster
Feeling alive when there is wanting
Always the same
I jump too quickly
Be still my soul

It’s love so serious
The more we think
The less we know
It’s love mysterious
Holding tight
When we should let go

Now that this love
Has overcome me
Now that this fire
Is burning bright
All of these words
Seem just beyond my reasoning

Be still my soul

It’s love so serious
The more we think
The less we know
It’s love mysterious
Holding tight
When we should let go

Be still my soul
Just let it go

(lyrics credit)

Solution to my cooking inability

My mom - who is a wonderful, experienced, and health-conscious cook - really wants me to learn to cook.  She has given me a recipe book, has photocopied and hand-copied recipes for me, and is always willing to be my cooking consultant by phone.  She is as encouraging as possible.

I, naturally, am the problem.  I seem to be completely clueless about even the most basic things.  (Recently, I managed to screw up pasta.  The water kept bubbling way too much, threatening to spill over the edges of the pot.  I assume that between the amount of water, the amount of pasta, and the size of the pot, something was wrong.)  Other issues -- like my inability to find ingredients in the grocery store -- aside, my main mental block is how overwhelming it seems to even try to get started.  There are countless bits of know-how that the recipes don't spell out for you; I don't know where along the way you are supposed to pick these up.

So here I am, abilities ranging from pouring batter (from just-add-water pancake mix, obviously) into a waffle iron to boiling water in a teapot.  And probably, making tea doesn't really count anyhow.  While constructing my sandwich and cutting my apple for dinner tonight, I suddenly came upon the solution.  Actually I stole it from the book I'm reading at the moment, by realizing it could work out quite well for me.  All I have to do is marry a guy who (a) likes cooking, and (b) is good at it.  I could even get by with just (a), since then he'd probably become (b) automatically over time.

Of course, this is a solution only applicable to the future.  And the unforeseeable future, at that.

Things taken for granted

I've noticed of late how ridiculously fast one's mind can switch from utter annoyance, suffering, or whatever other negative state may apply due to something's absence, to barely realizing that thing is there.

Let's see.

• I rarely get sick, but when my nose is 75% clogged, I can hardly focus on anything but trying to breathe clearly.
• The other morning I went to work with -- well, seriously not enough sleep.  I had forgotten just how terrible it is when it's a constant physical fight to stay awake.
• I had never lived without air conditioning until this summer.  Then I endured a few weeks of 100-degree-ish weather, complete with humidity.  I was sitting in my room sweating on every surface of skin that was in contact with something.  Now I have a window a/c unit and am entirely spoiled by a remote control for it.  I guess I do still occasionally stop to realize that it's a million times more livable now that I have it, but usually I don't have much of a second thought.
• The Internet.  ... holy crap.  I've never been unable to access the Internet at my place of residence for this long of a period of time until this past week.  It is truly frustrating to realize you cannot manage your email, get the weather, find something on a map, look up random information, listen obsessively to songs on YouTube, sit around logged on to three chat services, blah blah blah.  Such things only begin to feel essential to daily life when you can't get to them on demand.  But, here I am, writing a blog post, because the minute I've got it back, I spend all night on the Internet just like every other day before it wasn't there.
• People.  If something goes wrong in a relationship, one day it's beautiful and then it's cracked.  And you want to try everything you can think of to fix it, as the many good times flash by mentally and threaten to become bittersweet. ...That's one part of why I worry so much.

In all reality I'll probably never spend much time specifically appreciating the Internet.  But I like to think that I try to take care of my relationships.  I still need to do better, of course.  They're quite near the top of the list of most important life elements.

Personality evolution?

An interesting exchange occurred tonight with my friend.  He mentioned that he would guess I might not get along naturally with some of his other friends, because we have quite different personalities.  I really wanted to know why, and he explained that they are more reserved, not so outgoing and interested in partying as me.

This was pretty amazing to hear, because for basically forever, I was much more like he described his friends than the way he described me.  Apparently, ever since I met him, I've portrayed a personality much unlike my old(?) characteristics of many years of my life.

I should probably take into account, though, that I nearly always meet him in a dance setting.  Such is cue for my general happy behavior, since, well, social dancing is kind of the best thing ever.

Today, I:

managed to miss two buses within about two minutes.

spilled my coffee a bit at Starbucks (ironically as I was trying to put the lid back on).  The guy next to me at the side counter was concerned that I burned my hand and helped me clean it up.

determined that, if left to itself, my hair has a slight natural wave.

continued the last few days' trend of starting to feel like I'm contributing at work.

made waffles for dinner, didn't allow any of the batter to spill out of the iron, and convinced myself it wasn't so bad (as in unhealthy) because I sliced up a banana to eat with them.

looked up "my" beach on the map to show someone where it was, and immediately really missed it and am now quite excited to be going this weekend.

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observed another zillion-legged bug infiltrating my room.  Tried to get it with my flip flop, but its location did not facilitate that, and it escaped, probably somewhere into the heating unit.

realized I can tell when the washing machine is running, because I believe my room is immediately above it.  (The basement still sketches me out.)

noted the beautiful night air -- perfect for spending time on a hammock...

(maybe with someone...even better)